22 Delicious Tweets That Have Zero To Do With Politics

*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. Poppa and momma bear slept in separate beds so maybe everything wasn't “just right”

‘ Boog (@BoogTweets) July 21, 2017

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Tis the season my dudes pic.twitter.com/BzNqeaY191

‘ ASSWOLF (@TheRealAsswolf) September 18, 2017

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Why are lyric websites more difficult to navigate than porn?

‘ Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) September 20, 2017

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When you don't know whats going on and you're just trying to fit in. https://t.co/pKKGx8GuvJ

‘ penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) November 2, 2016

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I feel v connected to this earthquake because I too am an LA 3.6

‘ danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) September 19, 2017

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Ugh, do you ever look at all your exes and realize you have a type? pic.twitter.com/EvbK5mZ6q6

‘ Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) September 20, 2017

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I’m not high pic.twitter.com/9ZXZCXfY1f

‘ Lyla Q. (@LylaRevilla) September 20, 2017

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“let me see what you have..”
“a knife”
“NOOOOOO” pic.twitter.com/fgMhpqsd1J

‘ Best Vines (@TheFunnyVine) September 20, 2017

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my body: WATER please I need it
me: you – you want iced coffee??

‘ Laine Davis (@lainekdavis) September 18, 2017

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“Moved house, dog has never seen stairs before”

This video legit keeps tickling me pic.twitter.com/MxJcfUP4v4

‘ Tei (@TeiHusky) September 18, 2017

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GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) pic.twitter.com/tgvbyEj7nO

‘ Titular Lines (@Saythetitle) September 19, 2017

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*Thom Yorke voice* pic.twitter.com/b89XDhjuv2

‘ Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) September 17, 2017

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I just slurped up a banana string like spaghetti as if it wasn't the grossest thing I've ever done but it was.

‘ Mike Peters (@mijamtweets) September 19, 2017

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Darren Aronofsky dresses like he is the drama teacher on a Disney Channel sitcom. His name is “Mr Z” and he rolls his Rs for some reason pic.twitter.com/J28mSkw2SC

‘ Natalie Walker (@nwalks) September 19, 2017

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Whenever I'm sad, I remember that Chuck E. Cheese's full name is Charles Entertainment Cheese. pic.twitter.com/j91LQycJIY

‘ Amy Dracula (@amydracula) June 4, 2017

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so disappointed after seeing this photo & realizing that's a third llama in the back & not the arm of the right llama ringing a little bell pic.twitter.com/LM1yhbkW0M

‘ Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) September 12, 2017

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Ok so when Selena Gomez's friend gives her a kidney it's “true friendship” but when I toss my kidney over Brendan Fraser's gate it's “ma'am”

‘ Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) September 14, 2017

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Art is a very complicated way to say 'a hug would be nice'

‘ mary boo anderson (@whoismaryboo) February 10, 2017

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this mannequin look like he waiting for his class to stfu pic.twitter.com/GewTUt94iQ

‘ (@lordflaconegro) September 18, 2017

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[playing guess who]
werner herzog: does yours have
eyes that know pain, a man haunted by his own spirit
me: yes
werner herzog: is it eric

‘ joe (@mutablejoe) October 23, 2016