By: Mike Glazer
22 Delicious Tweets That Have Zero To Do With Politics

Here ‘s the best tweets about everything else so you can –

[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
‘ Marf (@MarfSalvador) September 27, 2017
this is the future that vegans want pic.twitter.com/DVAyw57NJn
‘ t shirt over hoodie (@memexgod) September 26, 2017
My aunt will never let us forget she fucked Sisqo
‘ saint lil ron (@bitch_sauce) September 27, 2017
old twitter: send nudes bb
new 280 char twitter: dearest Penelope, it's been a harsh winter's time since thou booty has graced thy screen
‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) September 26, 2017
Hey sorry I'm so late traffic was really bad and I left my house 7 minutes after I was supposed to arrive.
‘ Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) September 27, 2017
Wow, the animation here is incredible, what is thi– DAMMIT pic.twitter.com/F932mXVWvg
‘ Tristan Cooper (@TristanACooper) September 26, 2017
(after kiss)
her: what u thinkin about?
me (thinkin how when people kiss it creates one long tube with an anus at each end) when people kis-‘ andrew (@AndrewChamings) September 26, 2017
SCIENTIST: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs
SCIENTIST 2: Hmm not kinky enough
‘ Philly Byrne (@PhilipNByrne) September 25, 2017
Sad about Hugh Hefner. So young. Never got to have sex.
‘ Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) September 28, 2017
It's hilarious that thousands of horses have no idea that they're cops.
‘ Jesse Case (@jessecase) September 27, 2017
My teacher left the room during a test so we all started sharing answers. Then I look up and she was staring right at me ? pic.twitter.com/yPMpgazbMv
‘ Me (@josephxmorales) September 26, 2017
Tfw ur a bug but u are also Helena Bonham Carter pic.twitter.com/Ex33MIwNyT
‘ Cassie Grimaldi (@CassieGrimaldi) September 26, 2017
I got waxed today. 2 coats.
‘ Debra DiGiovanni (@DebraDiGiovanni) September 23, 2017
i ‘m an aspiring chef based out of texas. one rt could help me boost my career pic.twitter.com/ujxDpsMhpr
‘ foreveradjacent (@foreveradjacent) September 26, 2017
damn boy are you cauliflower bc you're a wildly inferior substitute for the thing I really want
‘ Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 26, 2017
Everyone is sending me this pic.twitter.com/0M85bL0WyX
‘ David Spade (@DavidSpade) September 22, 2017
[instrumental break]
‘ africa by toto bot (@africabytotobot) September 28, 2017
Can wait for @nbcsnl this year ! pic.twitter.com/HdkLswIIAv
‘ John Sabine (@jsabine214) September 24, 2017
If you do not emerge, gasping for air, having glimpsed the abyss and its despair, you did not correctly pull that turtleneck over your head.
‘ Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 21, 2017
I just made spaghetti for the first time!
‘ Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) September 24, 2017
One day I will push this button in the elevator and receive my free fireman hat pic.twitter.com/VEf8biylRH
‘ Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) July 13, 2017
SOUND ON FOR THIS ONE!
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