22 Delicious Tweets That Have Zero To Do With Politics

Here ‘s the best tweets about everything else so you can –

[being buried alive]

murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly

‘ Marf (@MarfSalvador) September 27, 2017

this is the future that vegans want pic.twitter.com/DVAyw57NJn

‘ t shirt over hoodie (@memexgod) September 26, 2017

My aunt will never let us forget she fucked Sisqo

‘ saint lil ron (@bitch_sauce) September 27, 2017

old twitter: send nudes bb

new 280 char twitter: dearest Penelope, it's been a harsh winter's time since thou booty has graced thy screen

‘ Online Participant (@SortaBad) September 26, 2017

Hey sorry I'm so late traffic was really bad and I left my house 7 minutes after I was supposed to arrive.

‘ Andrew Michaan (@AndrewMichaan) September 27, 2017

Wow, the animation here is incredible, what is thi– DAMMIT pic.twitter.com/F932mXVWvg

‘ Tristan Cooper (@TristanACooper) September 26, 2017

(after kiss)
her: what u thinkin about?
me (thinkin how when people kiss it creates one long tube with an anus at each end) when people kis-

‘ andrew (@AndrewChamings) September 26, 2017

SCIENTIST: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs

SCIENTIST 2: Hmm not kinky enough

‘ Philly Byrne (@PhilipNByrne) September 25, 2017

Sad about Hugh Hefner. So young. Never got to have sex.

‘ Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) September 28, 2017

It's hilarious that thousands of horses have no idea that they're cops.

‘ Jesse Case (@jessecase) September 27, 2017

My teacher left the room during a test so we all started sharing answers. Then I look up and she was staring right at me ? pic.twitter.com/yPMpgazbMv

‘ Me (@josephxmorales) September 26, 2017

Tfw ur a bug but u are also Helena Bonham Carter pic.twitter.com/Ex33MIwNyT

‘ Cassie Grimaldi (@CassieGrimaldi) September 26, 2017

I got waxed today. 2 coats.

‘ Debra DiGiovanni (@DebraDiGiovanni) September 23, 2017

i ‘m an aspiring chef based out of texas. one rt could help me boost my career pic.twitter.com/ujxDpsMhpr

‘ foreveradjacent (@foreveradjacent) September 26, 2017

damn boy are you cauliflower bc you're a wildly inferior substitute for the thing I really want

‘ Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 26, 2017

Everyone is sending me this pic.twitter.com/0M85bL0WyX

‘ David Spade (@DavidSpade) September 22, 2017

[instrumental break]

‘ africa by toto bot (@africabytotobot) September 28, 2017

Can wait for @nbcsnl this year ! pic.twitter.com/HdkLswIIAv

‘ John Sabine (@jsabine214) September 24, 2017

If you do not emerge, gasping for air, having glimpsed the abyss and its despair, you did not correctly pull that turtleneck over your head.

‘ Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 21, 2017

I just made spaghetti for the first time!

‘ Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) September 24, 2017

One day I will push this button in the elevator and receive my free fireman hat pic.twitter.com/VEf8biylRH

‘ Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) July 13, 2017

SOUND ON FOR THIS ONE!

pic.twitter.com/TIr7Ih4hJa

‘ Paul Rugg (@pkrugg) September 20, 2017

Ahhhhh, that ‘s better. See ya next week!

Community FOD_Family Front Page Regular Sketch Source: WP All Import Stand Up

The Green Room With Paul Provenza

The Green Room with Paul Provenza June 4, 2010

THE GREEN ROOM WITH PAUL PROVENZA offers comedy fans the chance to see the world’s greatest comedians in a roundtable setting, speaking off-the-cuff and uncensored in front of a studio audience. No rules, no agenda, no censors ‘just some of the funniest people around, riffing on and ripping each other apart. The series of six half-hour episodes premieres on SHOWTIME ‘ Thursday at 10:30PM ET/PT.

Bad Shorts Community Front Page Regular Source: WP All Import UGC

Apocalypse No

Lucky Birds Media November 12, 2014

High Priest Mortron tries to boost the morale of his apocalyptic death cult. UPDATE: Apocalypse No has been nominated for a Writers Guild Award in the category of Short Form New Media! Check out http://www.luckybirdsmedia.com/wga for the official press release!