By: Jason Flowers
Here ‘s a bunch of tweets that would better off as just friends.
I wore no makeup to the grocery store so OF COURSE I bump into my ex having a beautiful dream wedding to a bikini model in the cereal aisle
‘ Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 14, 2017
My ex and I were sending really hateful messages back and forth earlier. We were exting
‘ Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) April 21, 2017
In light of these protests and at the urging of my girlfriend I will finally remove all statues of my ex Debra from my apartment.
‘ Robby Slowik (@RobbySlowik) August 15, 2017
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass!
*attempts to be casual friends with an ex*
‘ Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) April 11, 2017
The worst is when you wave to an ex but they don't wave back and the auctioneer is like SOLD and now you own a ridiculous statue
‘ Ceej (@ceejoyner) February 9, 2017
[ex gf in the er] is this a dramatic attempt to win me back?
[doctor I gave $275 holdin an xray of my heart] no it's definitely broken
‘ brent (@murrman5) August 7, 2017
ME: me, a cover model! wish my exes could see me now! can i get one of the magazines when it drops?
PHOTOG FOR 'BIG SHITHEAD MONTHLY': sure
‘ demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) April 9, 2017
in this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 22, 2017
i listed my ex as my emergency contact at my new job bc if i have a heart attack i need to tell kathy to burn in hell one last time
‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) February 4, 2017
[gently tapping on my ex girlfriend's bedroom window] you're not wearing your cpap mask
‘ eric (@ericsshadow) July 10, 2017
All my exes live in vortexes.
‘ Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) April 15, 2017
Just found this photo of me and my ex, it's hard bc even tho we look so happy deep down there was actually a lot of strife pic.twitter.com/wAhSCbLPcF
‘ Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 22, 2017
I am convinced all hurricanes are named after hurricane scientists’ exes
‘ Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) September 6, 2017
FACEBOOK MESSENGER : You will vote for Mark Zuckerberg
ME: Suck it! LOL!
FM: Or we will show your ex how often-
ME: President Zuck it is
‘ Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 7, 2017
The song A Thousand Miles is actually astounding when I consider part of the reason I broke up w my ex is I did not want to take the J train
‘ Natalie Walker (@nwalks) April 9, 2017
Ugh, do you ever look at all your exes and realize you have a type? pic.twitter.com/EvbK5mZ6q6
‘ Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) September 20, 2017
Live everyday like your ex still follows you on Instagram.
‘ Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) May 20, 2017
say, “my ex,” three times in a row in a dark restaurant, and your date will disappear
‘ Erica (@SCbchbum) August 23, 2017
wife: promise me you won't try to show off in front of my ex
me: I'm just gonna sing like everyone else
[karaoke starts and its ScatMan]
‘ Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) June 17, 2017
I'm ready to BRUNCH
B e shitty drunk off mimosas
R un into my ex & cry in the br
‘ erica (@erica_rosie) September 4, 2017
“I would be your biggest fan in the world if you treated me right” -President Donald Trump/your abusive ex boyfriend
‘ Ali Segel (@OnlineAlison) February 16, 2017
The only thing worse than running into an ex at a party is running into an ex who doesn’t think you qualify as an ex at a party
‘ Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) July 5, 2017