27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #104

ok so eminem paces back and forth rapping about iniquity and he ‘s a hero but when i do it i ‘m “disrupting the flow of this bridal shower ‘

‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) October 11, 2017

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Next Sunday Mike & Karen Pence will spend $223 billion taxpayer dollars to fly to the moon for 15 minutes & yodel the N word at an apple pie

‘ rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 9, 2017

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I…do not understand how electricity works. pic.twitter.com/rA3zIc70ER

‘ Ray (@SirEviscerate) October 9, 2017

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ME: i put so much pressure on myself to succeed

FRIEND: you're eating ice cream in bed

ME: *snoring*

‘ Jill la Jill (@JillianKarger) October 6, 2017

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Hot Girl: Hey, u single?

Me: I am.

HG: Cool, can I take this extra chair?

‘ alien skier (@ClichedOut) October 9, 2017

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I'd be better at jogging if I wasn't always spilling my nachos.

‘ Brother Sal (@delusions_of) October 8, 2017

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I don't go out very much because I'm broke, but oh boy, once I'm rich, I'm gonna have to come up with another excuse.

‘ Maria Wojciechowski (@RiaWojo) July 19, 2017

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It’s called the “mall” because instead of going to one store you’re going to “them all” pic.twitter.com/yMJLayKzlw

‘ The Don (@JackedYoTweets) October 8, 2017

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If you make sure your phone is off on a flight, you probably still write checks at the grocery store.

‘ Sara Scully (@SaraSScully) October 11, 2017