By: Jason Flowers
Technically, reading these tweets will burn a few calories.
I love that all of my workout pants have little reflective details on them, ya know, in case a car comes through my house.
‘ Amanda B (@amandajpanda) October 7, 2017
If you want your friends to stop asking you to work out with them, go once. Show up in leather. Bring your workout cake.
‘ madds (@whatmaddness) June 15, 2017
ME: Pre workout protein!
GF: That isnt how-
ME:[using a straw to punch a hole in an egg to drink it like a juice box] How you what, Sharon
‘ penjamin. (@upsidedowntrash) January 2, 2017
Just used the Find Friends app to see if my wife was in the other room so no I didn ‘t go to the gym today.
‘ mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 13, 2017
Gym instructor – “…and this is the weights section”
Me – “ok but where do I go to cry”
‘ Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) September 29, 2017
The gym is a place for people carrying out punishments from greek gods, as in a bike that goes nowhere & a weight that falls on your chest.
‘ Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 26, 2017
[someone at the gym notices my sweet gains]
Me: yeah man you just gotta stay committed & work hard so you earn enough money to buy steroids
‘ David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 25, 2017
Watching people fall off the treadmill is reason enough to workout.
‘ Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 18, 2017
ME BEFORE GOING TO THE GYM: “I really don ‘t want to go to the gym. ‘
ME AFTER GOING TO THE GYM: “I really wish I hadn ‘t gone to the gym. ‘
‘ Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) October 1, 2017
If Lululemon would just say, “Getting your foot caught in our pants while pulling them on IS part of your workout,” I might feel less rage.
‘ Jamie A. Lee (@TheJamieLee) September 16, 2017
Everyone at the gym thinks I'm sweating because I'm getting a good workout in but it's really because I'm chewing cinnamon flavored gum
‘ Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) August 27, 2017
(at the gym). Hey can somebody spot me while I walk up the stairs?
‘ Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) August 22, 2017
ME AT GYM: mind if I work in?
GUY STANDING AT URINAL: what
‘ Becky Isotobe (@BuckyIsotope) May 25, 2017
work out? yeah, you bet i work out:
‘ Jon Bois (@jon_bois) August 25, 2017
apparently exorcising and exercising are very different and none of that water was holy and I'm banned from the gym
‘ Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) August 2, 2017
ME: i wish i werent constantly so sleepy
BODY: work out a bit & sleep more
ME: hm i guess i wont change anything about my routine
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) July 23, 2017
Absolutely blasting my core at my gym's best machine of all, their toilet.
‘ Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) February 22, 2017
For some, hooking up means sex. For others, it means kissing or heavy petting. For some, it means destroying your enemies.