By: Jason Flowers
27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #108

This week ‘s tweets take a sad song and make it better.
jude: for fuck's sake WHAT
‘ Jill la Jill (@JillianKarger) November 7, 2017
Not everybody was Kung Fu fighting. I was getting beaten up.
‘ duumb (@duumb) April 4, 2017
We would have caught that waterfall too if not for you meddling R&B trios
‘ Bread Savage (@papasuncle) September 18, 2017
{concert}
lead singer: ok, lemme introduce the band. on drums we have the incredible Tom..
me: (from the back) NICE TO FINALLY MEET U, TOM‘ kim ?? (@KimmyMonte) November 2, 2017
Me: I make my sims kiss eachother even though they're brother and sister
Waterslide lifeguard: I said you could go down like 5 minutes ago
‘ brandAn Current Year (@LeBearGirdle) November 6, 2017
the worst part of being a chuck e cheese janitor is having to kiss each ball in the ballpit goodnight before i turn the lights out.
‘ mcc (@MattMcC1) March 20, 2017
Son said he really wants to see “murder on the polar express, ‘ and shit now so do I.
‘ John Ross Bowie (@JohnRossBowie) November 6, 2017
My neighbors who drive a Highlander just bought another Highlander so they're gonna hate my jokes about that within 24 hours.
‘ OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 7, 2017
JUMPER ON BRIDGE: Stay back, I just want to end it all
GOOD COP: Please, you don't have to do this
CAT COP: *slowly pushes him off bridge*
‘ Terry F (@daemonic3) October 26, 2017
On Sundays, tweet random things like “that ‘s not a touchdown ‘ and “ref you suck ‘ to confuse football fans about which game you ‘re watching.
‘ ????????? (@BrownDogBlanket) October 7, 2017
People call me “dramatic ‘ but I prefer the term “immersive theatre experience. ‘
‘ Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 6, 2017
her: we should break up
me: but you love that I call spaghetti paskettis
her: (tearing up) that ‘s what makes this so difficult‘ rob elliott (@rockymomax) October 30, 2017
As the demogorgon climbs through the wall, I sit frozen in terror on my couch.
“Are you happy with your cable service provider,” it hisses.
‘ independent H. (@CyborgHanky) October 30, 2017
something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I would enjoy it if you gave me over two thousand dollars
‘ karate horse (@Karate_Horse) November 6, 2017
We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.
‘ Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 15, 2017
13: When will I know I'm an adult?
Me: When you have a favorite spatula.
‘ Ivsy (@Ivsy01) October 30, 2017
World's tallest mermaid pic.twitter.com/TxSPq2AqhE
‘ Graceless Hippo (@Jo_Forty) November 6, 2017
That's great that you do crossfit, I run out of breath singing with the radio
‘ Traci (@debon7) October 26, 2017
If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke… a stroke of luck that is. It ‘s toast time.
‘ Troutman (@robotrowboat) November 7, 2017
Every time I look at something it bursts into flames I think I went to the wrong Laser Eye Center
‘ B ‘b J ‘nke (@Bob_Janke) November 6, 2017
[first day being homeless]
What thread count are these newspapers?
‘ Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) September 17, 2017
there’s a lot of misconceptions about bisexuals. for instance, ‘bisexual’ can mean having sex twice a week but also every two weeks
‘ merritt k (@merrittk) November 6, 2017
Bruno Mars is like if Prince was born and raised in a Target.
‘ Janine Brito (@janinebrito) November 7, 2017
Similar Posts

Worst Dinner Ever
This dinner really stinks. With Jaclyn Glenn, Ross Willett, & Jason Horton

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Charlize Theron
Episode 6: Zach has a chat with Charlize Theron, Academy Award winner and star of The Road.

punny(ish) or die
ben affleck, alan arkin, elliott smith, hilary duff, gary busey, kim jong il, colin firth, bruce willis, bill murray, tim blake nelson, uma thurman, susan sarandon, daniel radcliffe, justin bieber recreated

Man Court w/ Adam DeVine
The honorable Judge Bro Brown (Adam DeVine) presides over his court of dude related problems. Coming this fall to the Broxygen Network.

Sam Bee Calls Out The Racist Men Who Don’t Want Harriet Tubman On The 20
Take a wild guess at which network they work for?