Trapped! This Woman Hates Hannity, But Still Wants To Smash Her Keurig

Pretty complicated, huh? Well, things are even more mixed up for Julia Northam, a 31 year-old dental hygienist who hates Sean Hannity, but still wants to smash the fuck out of her Keurig.

“When I first saw the videos of people throwing their Keurig ‘s off of balconies on Twitter, I got very emotional, ‘ says Julia. “I have all this pent up anger towards that dumb fucking coffee pot and seeing it get its ass bashed in brought it all right to the surface. ‘

“It was like a breakthrough for me, ‘ Julia continued. “I could just open my window and be done with that ugly-ass thing. I was excited. ‘

But Julia ‘s joy quickly quickly transformed into a moral dilemma.

“Then I realized why people were fucking up their Keurigs and I was like ‘fuck. ‘ ‘

Even though Julia thinks that Sean Hannity is a “shit head with ass for brains ‘ and that Roy Moore should “burn in fucking Hell, bitch, ‘ she still can ‘t shake the idea of going to town on her own Keurig.

“That stupid little computer and the weak-ass coffee it pisses out have ruined every morning of my fucking life, ‘ says Julia. “But now if someone sees a bunch of Keurig parts lying around in my driveway they ‘re going to think that I ‘m a pedophile. ‘

Damn. Now that ‘s a Catch 22 that could only happen in 2017.

Here ‘s someone else living out Julia ‘s fantasy for all the wrong reasons ‘