22 Delicious Tweets That Have Zero To Do With Politics

“My friend ‘s dog ate a pot brownie yesterday ‘ pic.twitter.com/JVWkaiIu9z

‘ ???? (@TheWeedDaily) December 9, 2017

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Fucc off bitcoin, mama has Khol ‘s Cash

‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 12, 2017

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Speaking of STAR WARS, this Ricky Skaggs album cover looks like Chewbacca if he shaved. pic.twitter.com/JAdcdprNLw

‘ Christopher Sebela (@xtop) November 6, 2014

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it ‘s like I want to get a Christmas tree but it ‘s just gonna set off a magical chain of holiday surprises that turn my life upside down and teach me how to love again

‘ Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 14, 2017

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Get the fuck. This has to be one of the greatest plot twists of american cinema pic.twitter.com/cSzpexql43

‘ ??????? ‘??? (@_djrocklee) December 13, 2017

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Beat it. Beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Shongda hupfucky. Homga shuntvight. It doesn ‘t matter who ‘s wrong or right.

‘ ‘ Ahm ‘ (@Ahm76) October 21, 2013

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please enjoy this pic of my coworkers pig warming his ass by the heater pic.twitter.com/uQXHfHB7T7

‘ knth (@painted_eel) December 9, 2017

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Um, fuck yeah he does pic.twitter.com/WYUZrEsAZl

‘ Kevin McCaffrey (@KevinMcCaff) December 12, 2017

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You might remember me from the episode of Shark Tank where my homemade fireworks blinded guest judge Bethenny Frankel

‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) December 13, 2017

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???????????????????? pic.twitter.com/DQkGd03X7q

‘ ???P(Wes-P?Mr Uekusa) BGT2018&AGT2018 (@uespiiiiii) December 9, 2017

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Chihuahuas are just spicy wiener dogs.

‘ ?????rofessor Kiosk ???? (@professorkiosk) December 13, 2017

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If you sneeze with your eyes open it takes a screenshot of real life

‘ Elliot (@ElliotHetherton) December 12, 2017

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Someone just told me about a fetish called MASKING where people make female celebs look like “the mask ‘ pic.twitter.com/awpUc87jHN

‘ caroline goldfarb (@hairoline) December 11, 2017

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Me: [soaking raisins in rum]
Her: Oh yum! What's this cocktail called?
Me: I call it [throwing lit match into cup] fuck raisins

‘ Mark Magark (@markedly) December 11, 2017

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so my buddy hosts a Spite Elephant party where you bring the worst gift possible and i normally make something for it. here ‘s 2017 pic.twitter.com/ImButoAxTI

‘ matt ???? flamecon T158 (@Lubchansky) December 10, 2017

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a wink is like a fist bump with your eye

‘ Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 11, 2017

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Bank loan officer: why are you borrowing money, and what is your product name?

Entrepreneur: I want to make cows happy, and the name of my product is 'happy cow' ????

Bank loan officer: let's do this! pic.twitter.com/VQbG9fAMy7

‘ Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) December 9, 2017

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Sending my dad my Christmas wishlist pic.twitter.com/BBnVQJd9f0

‘ Josh Riley Brown (@JoshRileyBrown) December 10, 2017

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*phone battery drops to 92%* you guys, I'm sorry, I'd better go home

‘ Mark Magark (@markedly) December 10, 2017

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my son made a jacked up snowman and i haven ‘t stopped laughing since pic.twitter.com/N9Wgv4DB2Y

‘ kim ?? (@KimmyMonte) December 10, 2017

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]

What do we want?

DRESSES WITH POCKETS!

How do we want them?

FILLED WITH SNACKS!

What kind of snacks?

PREFERABLY A REFRESHING MIX OF SALTY AND SWEET BUT WE’RE NOT TOO PICKY FOCUS ON THE POCKETS

‘ Mistle-no Marti (@MartiSchodt) December 8, 2017

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Don't we all. pic.twitter.com/wXN2GDRPjf

‘ Nicola Jane Swinney (@NicolaJSwinney) December 9, 2017