By: Mike Glazer
If you ‘re like me you ‘re stressed AF about the holidays. Between travel, shopping, and family it ‘s hard not to anoint a pillow on our beds as the official ‘scream into me pillow ‘. If you ‘re at that point, here ‘s some tasty tweets to help you hang loose!
“My friend ‘s dog ate a pot brownie yesterday ‘ pic.twitter.com/JVWkaiIu9z
‘ ???? (@TheWeedDaily) December 9, 2017
Fucc off bitcoin, mama has Khol ‘s Cash
‘ Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 12, 2017
Speaking of STAR WARS, this Ricky Skaggs album cover looks like Chewbacca if he shaved. pic.twitter.com/JAdcdprNLw
‘ Christopher Sebela (@xtop) November 6, 2014
it ‘s like I want to get a Christmas tree but it ‘s just gonna set off a magical chain of holiday surprises that turn my life upside down and teach me how to love again
‘ Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 14, 2017
Get the fuck. This has to be one of the greatest plot twists of american cinema pic.twitter.com/cSzpexql43
‘ ??????? ‘??? (@_djrocklee) December 13, 2017
Beat it. Beat it. No one wants to be defeated. Shongda hupfucky. Homga shuntvight. It doesn ‘t matter who ‘s wrong or right.
‘ ‘ Ahm ‘ (@Ahm76) October 21, 2013
please enjoy this pic of my coworkers pig warming his ass by the heater pic.twitter.com/uQXHfHB7T7
‘ knth (@painted_eel) December 9, 2017
Um, fuck yeah he does pic.twitter.com/WYUZrEsAZl
‘ Kevin McCaffrey (@KevinMcCaff) December 12, 2017
You might remember me from the episode of Shark Tank where my homemade fireworks blinded guest judge Bethenny Frankel
‘ Daniel Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) December 13, 2017
‘ ???P(Wes-P?Mr Uekusa) BGT2018&AGT2018 (@uespiiiiii) December 9, 2017
Chihuahuas are just spicy wiener dogs.
‘ ?????rofessor Kiosk ???? (@professorkiosk) December 13, 2017
If you sneeze with your eyes open it takes a screenshot of real life
‘ Elliot (@ElliotHetherton) December 12, 2017
Someone just told me about a fetish called MASKING where people make female celebs look like “the mask ‘ pic.twitter.com/awpUc87jHN
‘ caroline goldfarb (@hairoline) December 11, 2017
Me: [soaking raisins in rum]
Her: Oh yum! What's this cocktail called?
Me: I call it [throwing lit match into cup] fuck raisins
‘ Mark Magark (@markedly) December 11, 2017
so my buddy hosts a Spite Elephant party where you bring the worst gift possible and i normally make something for it. here ‘s 2017 pic.twitter.com/ImButoAxTI
‘ matt ???? flamecon T158 (@Lubchansky) December 10, 2017
a wink is like a fist bump with your eye
‘ Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 11, 2017
Bank loan officer: why are you borrowing money, and what is your product name?
Entrepreneur: I want to make cows happy, and the name of my product is 'happy cow' ????
Bank loan officer: let's do this! pic.twitter.com/VQbG9fAMy7
‘ Vala Afshar (@ValaAfshar) December 9, 2017
Sending my dad my Christmas wishlist pic.twitter.com/BBnVQJd9f0
‘ Josh Riley Brown (@JoshRileyBrown) December 10, 2017
*phone battery drops to 92%* you guys, I'm sorry, I'd better go home
‘ Mark Magark (@markedly) December 10, 2017
my son made a jacked up snowman and i haven ‘t stopped laughing since pic.twitter.com/N9Wgv4DB2Y
‘ kim ?? (@KimmyMonte) December 10, 2017
What do we want?
DRESSES WITH POCKETS!
How do we want them?
FILLED WITH SNACKS!
What kind of snacks?
PREFERABLY A REFRESHING MIX OF SALTY AND SWEET BUT WE’RE NOT TOO PICKY FOCUS ON THE POCKETS
‘ Mistle-no Marti (@MartiSchodt) December 8, 2017
It’s Season Finale time in the garage as Ryan Bailey wraps up his monumentally successful first season by inviting comedian Nick Rutherford, star of Intramural and Good Neighbor, to share some of his favorite wedding memories despite not being married.