By: Kit Lively
Check yourself with this list to see if you ‘ve possibly shotgunned your last Keystone Light and will only be attending grown-up parties from now on:
- Guests ‘ coats are placed on the bed of the master bedroom, and not just because they ‘re trying to cover up a vomit stain from earlier.
- The hors d'oeuvres aren ‘t all simply some bite sized variation on pizza, or half a box of Captain Crunch.
- When a couple gets a bit tipsy and romantic, they decide to go home, not onto the front lawn.
- There are no special instructions for flushing the commode.
- You get in trouble if you try to turn on the TV.
- In the email invite they call it a “soiree ‘ instead of a “party. ‘ Also, there is an email invite.
- The dozens of lit candles aren ‘t being used to cover the smell of bong usage.
- You don ‘t have to check to make sure that a ferret isn ‘t beneath the sofa cushion before sitting down.
- The floors and furniture aren ‘t covered with passed out people the following morning.
- Nobody plays on their phone during dinner, and dinner is served on an actual dinner table in an actual dining room.
- Dessert isn ‘t fortune cookies or half a box of Captain Crunch.
- Coffee is served after dinner for reasons other than trying to quickly sober up for the drive home.
- None of your friends were invited.
- Neither was Captain Crunch.