By: Funny Or Die

| | | | | | |

What’s In Your Bag, Scott Pruitt?

The over $4.6 million spent on “security” by Scott Pruitt as detailed in the documents obtained by The Intercept today represents a $1.1 million increase from what he reported last month. That's a lot of stuff! We figured it's all probably super cool stuff, so we got a hold of him to see what's in his bag!!
“OK so the first thing you'll see in my bag is a butt load of these insanely expensive handheld radios. I don't know what makes them any better than other walkie talkies but I just sorted by price (high to low) on amazon and then bought the most they'd let me buy. Anyhoo I carry all of them in my bag instead of anyone using them.” – Scottie P.
“This is a state-of-the-art card reader we had installed in the security detail office – or at least we will have installed there. For now I just carry it with me!” – Scottie P.
“We all got a bunch of vests to provide everyday protection. We also spent $3,045.00 on body armor which was a lot of fun, but these vests are my favorite, because they're so expensive they must be made out of gold or something.” – Scottie P.
“What good are a million radios if you don't have the travel accessories to go with them? No good, that's what. With these, I can charge all my radios on the go, and I can always count on being able to communicate with people without worrying about the phone lines that are probably tapped and being recorded. That way ethics violations are way easier to pull off. LOL!” – Scottie P.
“What, did you think I'd have a tactical single rifle case? Whatdoyou think I am? Some kind of nerd?” – Scottie P.
“One of the most important jobs of the Environmental Protection Agency is safety, which is why I did that thing on Amazon again where I searched “safety” and sorted by price (high to low) then just bought a bunch of whatever that was. Turns out it was 24 pairs of boots! Cool!” – Scottie P.
“PRO TIP: if you call them “tactical pants” no one will know you're just getting cargo pants, and no one will question how you could possibly spent $1600 on pants. I didn't become the head of the EPA for not being a genius ;-)” – Scottie P.

Similar Posts