By: Funny Or Die
Footage has been released of a rat pulling the fire alarm of a condo building in Washington, D.C. Completely on his own. Just watch this terrifying footage:
Let ‘s cut right to the chase. I am not willing to entertain the thought that this rat may not in fact be Pizza Rat. It is of course the same rat, and his pizza dragging antics from just a few short years ago was simply part of the workout routine needed to buildup the strength for more serious crimes such as this.
Please, take a moment to revisit the old footage with this new context in mind:
The amount – and various types – of strength required to steal (come on, of course he stole it) a slice of pizza, and carry it down a flight of stairs ALL WHILE EATING IT shows this rat has been in good shape for some time. It also lays the blueprint for the kind of skillset one might need to traverse a railing, jump up to a fire alarm, and pull it with the precision and force needed to replicate a human hand:
So what now?
We freak out, that ‘s what. This rat is on the FUCKING MOVE. What will his next act be? WE HAVE NO IDEA AND IT COULD BE ANYTHING. This rat has literally sounded the alarm on his own existence, and I should not have to tell you that the next Rat Event will be catastrophic (ratastrophic?). The only two things it ‘s made clear thus far are that it loves pizza and hates humans being comfortable at home.
Can we catch him?
Of course not. This footage is from last summer. It could be halfway around the world by now. We already dropped the ball. We ‘re doomed.