Cander Corn

Doug Heinz, an ordinary citizen and definitely not a conspiracy theorist, has an important message for you all this Halloween season. Candy Corn may be considered a staple of the consumer driven rebranding of All Hallows ‘ Eve (a.k.a. the pagan celebration of “Samhain ‘), but there are dark secrets lurking at the center of this yellow, orange, and white mass of sugar.

You may think the biggest threat is diabetes, but the truth is a LOT more terrifying. According to this brave truth warrior, the United States government uses this sickly sweet treat to infiltrate our intestines with the goal of initiating psychological mind control upon the population. This Halloween, heed this warning and free yourselves from the grip of this insidious candy. Boycott Candy Corn, or else you might end up just like Doug.

Via comedian Doug Heinz