By: Funny Or Die
Sure, the regular horoscope is great, and the alignment of the stars can tell us a lot about the person that we are, but food can tell us even more. Specifically Thanksgiving food. Whether it ‘s mashed potatoes or gravy or your aunt ‘s weird casserole, there is a designated hearty food that describes what you ‘re like at your innermost core.
We put our minds together with a bunch of scientists, chefs and astro-physicists to create this extremely accurate horoscope. All you need to do is find your astrological sign below. Bon appetit!
Aries – Brussels Sprouts
Just like Brussels Sprouts, you don ‘t always agree with people but you ‘re healthy, and enjoyable in small doses.
Libra ‘ Mashed Potatoes
You ‘re an extremely reliable side kick. Most people will say they can ‘t live without you.
Taurus ‘ Gravy
You ‘re thicc, luscious and creamy. Your insecurities ‘may cause you to feel unable to stand on your own.
Scorpio ‘ Cranberry Sauce
You ‘re sweet and sour and a messy bitch.
Gemini ‘ Apple Pie
You ‘re tough on the outside but soft on the inside. You are extremely attractive, causing people to want to have you in the middle of the night.
Sagittarius ‘ Turkey
Your outgoing personality will cause you to be the center of attention this Holiday season. You have a dry sense of humor.
Cancer ‘ Holiday Roasted Vegetables
You ‘re wholesome but boring, and you make a stink when you ‘re ignored.
Capricorn ‘ Baked Sweet Potato
You ‘re just a little off and nobody ‘s favorite, but you ‘re not salty about it.
Leo ‘ Food on the floor
Sometimes people forget about you but at least your dog is happy to see you.
Aquarius ‘ Pecan Pie
You ‘re very sweet but completely nuts. Dentists hate you.
Virgo ‘ Green Bean Casserole
You have so much to offer, and yet nobody wants to touch you.
Pisces ‘ Roasted Butternut Squash Soup
You are a warm, comforting person. But if someone mistreats you, you have no problem burning them.