By: Taffy Davenport
OK…it happened. The shit is hitting the fan, probably. Donald Trump ‘s personal lawyer and “fixer ‘ was sentenced to 3 years in prison (that ‘s 36 months, 1095 days and 1,576,800 minutes). Honestly, not so bad for commiting nine felonies, including a criminal scheme to help Donald Trump win the 2016 election.
But before he gets into some Orange Is The New Black-style wacky hijinks, comedians took to Twitter after the news broke to make some jokes of their own.
Huge congrats to Michael Cohen on going to prison, something it seems like he's been trying extremely hard to do for the last few years
‘ Dominick the Italian Christmas Branson (@bransonreese) December 12, 2018
*cohen going up to the biggest baddest guy in prison and facilitating hush payments to his mistress*
‘ Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) December 12, 2018
Today was the day Michael Cohen became president… of JAIL!
‘ Jon Daly (@jondaly) December 12, 2018
I've got 10 cigarettes on Michael Cohen being the first new fish to break down crying after lights out tonight
‘ Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) December 12, 2018
Sending a Raquel Welch poster to Michael Cohen.
‘ Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 12, 2018
.@MichaelCohen212 can I have your plaid suit
‘ Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 12, 2018
‘ The Onion (@TheOnion) December 12, 2018
Michael Cohen has been sentenced to roughly 100 Scaramuccis in prison
‘ Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) December 12, 2018
Why does Michael Cohen sound like John Malkovich doing an impression of Woody Allen here? pic.twitter.com/HsZBTMSV6s
‘ Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) May 9, 2018
michael cohen would have gotten more time if he had an eighth of weed on him and a better tan
‘ Ziwe (@ziwe) December 12, 2018
Paul Manafort: GUILTY
Michael Cohen: GUILTY
Michael Flynn: GUILTY
George Papadopoulos: GUILTY
Alex van der Zwaan: GUILTY
Rick Gates: GUILTY
Richard Pinedo: GUILTY
I'm no lawyer, but I'd guess the guy who all these criminals did crimes for is probably innocent
‘ Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) December 12, 2018
Michael Cohen sentenced to three years pic.twitter.com/nGEvgsI3qf
‘ Isiah Whitlock Jr. (@IsiahWhitlockJr) December 12, 2018
I ‘m just mad that Michael Cohen only gets sentenced to 3 years when he helped force the entire country to serve 4yrs.
‘ Jake Plunkett (@JakePlunkett) December 12, 2018
A young billionaire with a reputation for sexual deviancy based on rumor and hearsay approaches Greg and Amelia for an erotic tryst, believing that they, thanks to Greg’s erotic fiction blog, are kink dynamos. What follows is a classic game of “I thought you were the one who knew how to use this sex toy.” Cast: Amelia- Adelind Horan Greg- Branson Reese Francis Caspar – Luke Slattery Takeru – Greg Keller Actor – Benjamin Cole Crew: Director of Photography – Ratchetstrap Homonculus Camera Assistant – Kariim Charlier Production Designer – Kristina Porter Sound Recordist – Victor Tyler
Take a look at the behind the scenes video of the cover shoot for Michele Bachmann’s Newsweek cover. She was joined by her husband Marcus so she could get the right look down.
PERIODS. presents Conciatta, Gerrity’s, and Josh. A story of before and after as told through three vignettes.