By: Sloane Hughes
So I don ‘t know if you ‘ve noticed, but there ‘s some pretty fucked up stuff happening in this country right now. For lack of a better term, everything ‘s kind of a massive shitshow. And listen, I ‘m all for staying up to date and informed on current events, it ‘s important to know what ‘s going on, but sometimes you just need a bit of a breather from consuming all the news and details about whatever nightmarish stuff is going down today. Luckily for you, I ‘ve got just the distraction.
As a Canadian freshly imported to the United States of America last month, I feel like I have a responsibility to share my culture.
I know nobody here really pays attention to Canada, it ‘s okay, I ‘m aware, you won ‘t hurt my feelings. But you should definitely start. We ‘re a pretty unassuming country, but I ‘m telling you, dude, we ‘re funny as shit.
Here, lemme show you.
Molson Canadian – What To Drink When You ‘re Chasing Beaver
We ‘re nothing if not self aware, and playing off of our own stereotypes is never not fun. Molson Canadian is to Canada what Budweiser is to America. It ‘s the beer your dad drinks it at BBQ ‘s, and you feel a weird sense of patriotic pride about it… But it ‘s basic as fuck. Great for beer pong though.
Anyway, this is an actual ad for Molson Canadian beer, and there ‘s really no better way to sell beer to Canadians than with a pun about beaver. (Or by combining hockey and making fun of Americans, but hey… don ‘t take it personally)
Dude Chilling Park
In 2014 in my hometown of Vancouver, BC, an unknown artist mysteriously installed a sign in Guelph Park that was an exact match of the provincial park signs, with the name “Dude Chilling Park ‘. Everyone fucking loved it. The local government, however, was going to remove the sign on the grounds of vandalism, but the city rallied together with a massive petition, so the city of Vancouver kept the sign and unofficially renamed the park itself to Dude Chilling Park.
Aside from just being an overall amazing political leader, Mayor Nenshi of Calgary, Alberta would routinely respond to people on twitter in a super sarcastic dad way and it was awesome.
I know they ‘re not actually the same thing, but in Canada we don ‘t call it ‘whole milk ‘ we call it ‘homogenized ‘, or ‘homo ‘ for short. So because it ‘s just something everyone grew up saying, I actually remember when all my friends and I started to learn that ‘homo ‘ was short for something other than a type of milk, and was weirdly devastated to learn that it could be used as an insult. Now that was a culture shock.
That was a milk pun. I ‘m so sorry.
Daily Dose of D
Because the Yukon is so far north, in the winter it hardly gets a few hours of sunlight per day, which is a serious health concern for the people living there. So the health department of the Yukon provincial government decided to come up with this gem of an ad campaign in order to remind people to get that D.
The Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist
Yes this is a real thing that actually happened.
The biggest crime in Canadian history was when three men stole 18 MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF MAPLE SYRUP.
I don ‘t think I need to explain why this is hilarious.
Response to Russian Homophobia in Sochi Olympics
Leading up to the Sochi Winter Olympics, Canada, which is an extremely LGBT friendly country, addressed the horrific treatment of gay men and women in Russia with this ad.
The $5 Bill Redesign
When the Bank of Canada moved from paper money to plastic, they had to redesign the likeness of Sir Wilfred Laurier on the $5 bill because people wouldn ‘t stop turning him into Spock and Snape
Kevin Richards, a Canadian chocolatier, decided to name his company SHYTE… with the slogan EAT SHYTE. Apparently it stands for Seriously Helps You To Energize. Yeah, sure Kevin.