By: Sloane Hughes
Clemson University ‘s national champion football team, the Tigers, were invited over to the White House for a feast on Monday, but the administration ran into a bit of a problem when they realized
“Wait a second. The White House kitchen is closed because
we fucking shut down the government ‘
But that ‘s fine, no bigs, Trump had a solution. Why not treat these nationally ranked athletes to a cornucopia of fast food, the likes of which 17-year-old stoners could only dream of.
Trump ‘s a thinker, that ‘s why he gets paid the big bucks.
In a video shared on twitter, Trump is seen proudly showing off his army of 300 burgers while moving like a goddamn animatronic figure someone just sprung from a 1960 ‘s Disney musical ride.
Here ‘s a video I shot of President Trump showing off his 300 hamburgers. pic.twitter.com/P06S6I5w07
‘ Hunter Walker (@hunterw) January 14, 2019
And then, just when we thought this laziest-of-all-White-House-lunches couldn ‘t get any more ridiculous (just kidding, we all fucking knew it would) Trump blessed everyones twitter feed with this marvel of the English language.
Sorry, 1000 w h a t
H A M B E R D E R S
Just to emphasize how much this wasn ‘t a typo, please observe the following diagrams, provided by our investigative journalism and forensics teams.
See, hambirger or even hamborger would have been an understandable error. Thumbs slip, accidents happen, typing is hard when you have tiny hands. But please note how very far apart and not at all in close proximity to each other the letters E and U are situated on the keyboard.
FURTHERMORE, your honor, the next move made after the letter R will prove the intent to grossly misspell.
As you can clearly see, the motion in which one would make towards the letter D are in an entirely different direction from the letter G.
No, America, this was no typo.
The upsetting truth of the matter is
The president of the United States, the man who has the launch codes, genuinely thought hamberder was a real word.
Is anyone really surprised though? After covfefe anything goes. Nothing matters, spell shit however you want to, these are lawless times. Honestly the most shocking thing about that entire lunch was that he managed to count all the way up to 300.
(Which hasn ‘t actually been confirmed)
today we lost a master of pranks, RIP Blaine. feat. original song by Nick Lutsko: http://bit.ly/2cpN9CN lyrics: David Blaine Things will never be the same When you ripped out your heart You ripped out our hearts too It’s a shame There won’t be anymore pranks But you won’t die in vain Cause we’ll remember you What did you do to that chicken? Do I even want to know? I stay up nights feeling sick I can’t sleep cause I’ve got Blaine on my brain Blaine on my brain Blaine on my brain Got David Blaine on my brain We’re celebrating Blaine
The Game of Life is won by buttoned-up pros. With the right tools and the Toyota Prius c, there is no limit to what you can accomplish. Let the game begin.