Michael Cohen Spent Thousands Of Dollars For His Own Thirsty Twitter Account

Okay, so Michael Cohen ‘s a shady piece of shit. We know that. Dude ‘s got a proclivity for throwing money at people, campaigns, and corporations to influence them and sway things in Trump ‘s favor, and he ‘s got the criminal charges to prove it. So when we learned this morning that Cohen hired an IT firm to rig online polls for Trump, there was no surprise. That ‘s like, basically his entire MO.

But wait, there ‘s more

Along with rigging polls, Cohen contracted them for a more personal agenda.

Are you ready for this?

Michael Cohen paid them to create a twitter account that literally just tweets about how hot he is.

One more time.

Michael Cohen. Paid an IT firm. To make a fake twitter account. Dedicated to being horny for Michael Cohen.

*inhale* HAAAAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA

Apparently Cohen paid the owner of the company, RedFinch, a Walmart bag full of cash and a single boxing glove that he claimed was worn by a Brazilian MMA fighter – as if that isn ‘t the most insane payment method ever.

AND IT DOESN ‘T EVEN END THERE – IT GETS BETTER

The twitter account, called WOMEN FOR COHEN (subtle), includes a description that reads, “Women who love and support Michael Cohen. Strong, pit bull, sex symbol, no nonsense, business oriented, and ready to make a difference! ‘

Strong, pit bull, sex symbol.

NoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO