By: Sloane Hughes
There ‘s been a lot of strange questions that have emerged from the internet. Things that would ‘ve probably never occured to you otherwise and make you go, “who the hell even wonders about stuff like this? ‘ Things like, for instance, “if a dog wore pants, which way would he wear them? ‘ Really makes you think.
I respect everyone ‘s right to their own opinion, but also if you said anything other than “on their back two legs only ‘ you ‘re wrong. Sorry.
The great Dog Pants Debate has yet to be resolved and who knows if it ever will be, and now we ‘ve all got a whole new issue to discuss. This one is not only equally as weird as ‘how would dogs wear pants ‘ but it ‘s also infinitely more unsettling, so get ready.
The next big question from the internet is,
if baguettes could move, what would it look like
Here's a survey. How would a baguette move?
‘ Dave (@sheepfilms) February 7, 2019
Even just imagining a giant loaf of bread moving along the ground like a worm or a caterpillar, or GALLOPING is a disturbing thought, but don ‘t worry, just in case you weren ‘t already on your way to having bread-filled nightmares over this someone made a gif.
Thanks, I hate it
This question for the ages was quick to spread and everyone had an opinion to give, which were all surprisingly based in logic.
A good baguette has a firm, crispy crust. If it's soft enough to move any way other than 3, fire your MF baker
‘ Vanilla Water (@icmedia) February 7, 2019
Easily visualised from a yeast expanding/contracting.
You also have to remember that other forms of locomotion would prevent the natural nesting in a breadbox, so would be contrary to the breads life style.
‘ Extreme Electronics (@ExtElec) February 7, 2019
I'm in the minority here but I'm going with number one because baguette doesn't have bones.
‘ love,,,bird (@Bagofingers) February 7, 2019
Ok, the sentence “because baguette doesn ‘t have bones ‘ made me so uncomfortable I want to dive out a window
And there were those who thought outside the breadbox and came up with their own answers
I voted 2 but somebody else suggested hopping on its end which I would also vote for because these moves are jaunty, and baguettes are very jaunty.
‘ One Fine Weasel (@onefineweasel) February 7, 2019
3 is the most delicious baguette. Or it is months old. Or if we are giving this bread moving capabilities at all, why wouldn ‘t it just propel forward, flat like a locomotive? Or roll on its side maybe https://t.co/hphBzgkCmF
‘ christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 7, 2019
Regardless of what the right answer is, or if there even is one, mobile baguettes are what I ‘m going to be drinking to forget this weekend.
Sometimes the rich and famous, like Kim and Kanye, just need some tender loving care from the Mommamatrix.