By: Sloane Hughes
Mitt Romney celebrated his 72nd birthday today in two very conventional human ways: with a birthday cake and blowing out the candles. Thankfully for all of us there ‘s footage of this going down, and usually I wouldn ‘t care about watching someone, much less Mitt Romney, blow out birthday candles but this is a moment in our history that the anthropologists of future civilizations will pick apart and try to understand for decades.
Let ‘s break this down.
So right out of the gate, Mitt Romney ‘s birthday cake is made of Twinkies.
First of all, anyone who has the audacity to stack a bunch of Twinkies together and call it a “cake ‘ should be arrested. Secondly – and amazingly – this isn ‘t even the weirdest part of this video.
It gets weirder
So the “””””cake’ ‘ ‘ is put down in front of Romney, and he reacts like any human would, with the most uncomfortable arm gestures as if he ‘s either an animatronic doll that walked off a The Purge themed ride (come on he does look a little bit like one of the masks from The Purge, you see it too right?) or like a space alien taking his new human suit for a spin for the first time. Either way – it ‘s weird.
AND IT GETS WEIRDER
Here it is folks, we ‘ve come to the crescendo, are you ready?
He blows out the candles….
BY PLUCKING THEM OUT OF THE CAKE
AND BLOWING THEM OUT ONE BY ONE
Ah yes, the birthday twinkies adorned with candles, to be extinguished one at a time, just like the humans do it
If you want to watch the video, which I highly recommend because this shit is bananas, here it is.