By: Sloane Hughes
Today ‘s been a weird day.
We watched Senator Mitt Romney blow out his birthday candles individually, y ‘know, as you do when you ‘re from Earth, and the latest scandal to captivate the media surrounds Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman and Full House star Lori Loughlin. They ‘re among a group of around 50 elites who have been charged in connection with a case the FBI have been investigating for about a year, called “Operation Varsity Blues ‘ which, yeah ok this is a serious issue and crime is bad, but also hats off to whoever ‘s over at the Bureau coming up with these catchy-ass names.
These 50-ish elites have all been accused of collectively paying $6.5 MILLION DOLLARS in various bribes to get their children into prestigious schools, and people are starting to compare the two to their iconic TV roles.
I think it ‘s safe to say that Rebecca Katsopolis (Loughlin) for sure wouldn ‘t approve of the actions of the woman who portrayed her all those years.
In fact… isn ‘t there an entire Full House episode based on this???
Aunt Becky apparently learned nothing from the DJ's SAT nightmare episode pic.twitter.com/fUxnv4ekUu
‘ ? (@ChayaBaliga) March 12, 2019
In the one Full House episode Uncle Jesse used a burrito to give DJ the answers on her SAT test. Wonder where he got that idea from? pic.twitter.com/RaUNOXBwUe
‘ Ted Gruber (@tedgruber) March 12, 2019
Huffman ‘s character, Lynette from Desperate Housewives, however, was just a tad different in her parenting approach than Aunt Becky, and probably would have pulled the same stunt if she had the cash.
All I'm seeing is Lynette discouraged by Porter and Preston's SAT scores and being like “Fuck it, they almost died in a tornado when they were kids, THEY'RE GOING TO HARVARD.”
‘ Greg Bennett (@GreggyBennett) March 12, 2019
Lynette would totally do this in a Desperate Housewives reboot tbh https://t.co/qHIWt4AdS6
‘ Ira Madison III (@ira) March 12, 2019
Lynette Scavo kicking down doors, paying colleges, etc. pic.twitter.com/OsVjDQxVJN
‘ Veronica (@Verrroniiica) March 12, 2019
As of now, Felicity Huffman has apparently been released on bond – which makes sense because if you can bribe everyone standing in your kid ‘s way to Harvard, bond is probably chump change.
You are a privileged white kid approaching college admissions season. Choose your path:
A) apply like a normal person.
B) apply like a normal person, fail to get in, appeal to the supreme court.
C) send your mama to jail for a 1420 SAT score and guaranteed admission.
‘ KJ (@KendraJames_) March 12, 2019
Anthony’s brother, Gavin, asks him to help him with an emergency in their apartment. – – – Featuring Anthony Apruzzese, Gavin Spieller, & Jon Wan. Written and Directed by Anthony Apruzzese. Filmed by Ian Stroud. Edited by Ryan Simmons. Sound by Catherine Hood. Makeup by Maggie Widdoes. Music by Pearl & The Beard (Douglas Douglass).
With a new school term now in session, it’s very important you know how to pack your child’s backpack to best deal with the challenges of a modern school environment. This guide will help!
We asked you why opening a bar would be better than your day job. Here are some of our favorite answers. Brought to you by “Sullivan & Son” tonight at 10/9C on TBS.