By: Dashiell Driscoll
Remember the ‘That ‘s So Raven ‘ when they battled racism at the mall? It was a very special episode. ‘
The episode starts with Cory (Kyle Massey) wanting pizza. But papa ‘s cooking soul food for Black History Month. Cory says this month can pound pavement. He has to write a boring report about it.
Raven (Raven-Symon ‘) and Chelsea (Anneliese van der Pol) are hitting the mall to apply for jobs at Saseez! A store for teen girls that sounds like hell on earth.
Chelsea has no experience. No skills. And no idea why she wants the job. Raven advises her to try a little harder on the application. Raven listed she designs clothes! Chelsea says, “I can whistle through nose. ‘ God. Fucking. Dammit, Chelsea.
Chloe the manager tests the gals on their folding aptitude. Raven crushed it. She folded and organized like an informercial for Adderall. Chelsea, on the other hand?. God DAMMIT, Chelsea.
Now they have to help a customer build an outfit from this tacky dungeon. Raven ‘s handling the tall order like a pro. Chelsea is about as useless as fake tits on a zebra. Chloe will be in touch.
Meanwhile, Cory ‘s slacking on his report. Victor says he better put some respect on this damn month or he ‘s history.
Raven tells Eddie she aced the interview. Chelsea? Participation trophy. Chelsea ‘s on the phone with Chloe! She starts at Saseez today! When does Raven start? Uh-huh. Yaaaa. Welll?!? Raven didn ‘t get the job.
But…she was so good. And Chelsea was so very bad. Why? Vision time.
“Truth is I don ‘t hire black people. ‘
That ‘s SO racist. Raven ‘s shocked. Eddie notes you ONLY see white employees at Saseez. He keeps journals on it. Everyone needs a hobby. Chelsea, a white, didn ‘t know this racism stuff was still around. Eddie recalls losing a childhood friend because of a bigoted father. Wow. Heavy story.
Chelsea ‘s going to quit. She ‘s an ally! Although working there full time would certainly be the best way to hurt Saseez.
Meanwhile, Cory fell asleep and Frederick Fucking Douglass crawls out of his computer to introduce him to a veritable parade of dead African American trailblazers. Best Black History Month ever.
Raven is bummed she lost a job to racism. A fact she only knows because she ‘s a magical black person on a show created by two white people but whatever. Victor ‘s wants to shut Saseez down. Mama notes psychic premonitions don ‘t hold up in court.
Raven ‘s just one person. She can ‘t change the world! Victor compares her to Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King which is a bit of a stretch for a part time position at Saseez. Time to expose that hateful bitch.
Eddie and Chelsea link up with a news reporter to catch Chloe with a camera hat. A crazy ugly camera hat. Raven ‘s in position. Go team go!
Raven explains to Chelsea ‘s simple brain she ‘s in disguise. Wildly unnecessary subterfuge as her dad could ‘ve easily played this part. Chloe steps in, “May I hellllp you? ‘
Raven flashes credentials that she ‘s Marvin Sweetback the new international Saseez manager. Marvin wants to know where the signs are for their non-existent Black History Month sale?! Is Chloe aware it ‘s Black History Month? Hmmm?
“You do hire people of color don ‘t you… ‘ Laying it on a LITTLE thick, Marvin.
Chloe saw a great black applicant yesterday named Raven! She ‘ll call her. Raven ‘s phone is going to give her away. Gone! She throws the phone, but Eddie comes back with it, claiming now he wants a job. With her apparent boss watching her, Chloe makes a show of getting what she needs to hire Eddie.
Chloe ‘s tolerance is really throwing a wrench in things! Raven tells Chelsea to get the goods. On tape. Now!
Chloe ‘s only pretending to hire Eddie. Then trashing his application. Why?
“I don ‘t hire Black people, ‘ Chloe tells Chelsea, who misses recording her admission due to a very eager salute that knocks the camera hat off her head.
Klu Klux Chloe says it again, right into the hat, master race my ass.
EXPOSED. Chloe ‘s fired. Racism is over.
So what did we learn today?
“I dind ‘ tknow black history was so delicious. ‘ Shut the fuck up, Chelsea.
There are racists hiding in plain sight. They ‘re named Chloe. They work at the mall. One person CAN make a difference. But you need hidden cameras, prosthetic makeup, and the help of your local media. And you don ‘t need superpowers to know a place named Saseez is a nightmare. See you next time on A Very Special Episode. ‘
Actor/ Writer/ Editor: Dashiell Driscoll
VFX: Bryan Wieder
Post Supervisor: Kia Reghabi