By: Sloane Hughes
Harry Potter is one of the most beloved and iconic book series of the last two decades and has captivated the imaginations of literally millions of people. The magical story of “the boy who lived ‘ was so enthralling because of how completely fantastic and far from reality it was, but author JK Rowling ‘s latest statements about her characters are so far-fetched and baseless, even fans can ‘t let them slide.
Representation is super important. And the lack of LGBT characters in television, movies, and books, is a problem. So 12 years ago when JK Rowling revealed that Albus Dumbledore, one of the most prominent characters in the series, is gay, it seemed like a cool thing. Y ‘know, more visibility, more representation, seems cool, right?
Well, it would be, if she actually wrote it into the books instead of just coming out after the fact and basically going,
“Uhhh, yeah, he was totally gay ‘ love me LGBT community loVE ME I HAVE REPRESENTED YOU ‘
So now in the latest of her series of “yes this totally happened this is real even though it ‘s not at all in the books or the movies but just take my word for it ‘ Harry Potter reveals she insists on making in order to win cool points with the LGBT community for being a fake ally when it serves her, apparently Dumbledore and Grindelwald had a very intense, passionate sex life.
And this kind of performative “yeah look at me I ‘m totally an ally ‘ act and Rowling ‘s incessant, unofficial rewriting of Harry Potter featuring the most absurd shit that nobody asked for has been mercilessly, and rightfully, mocked all over the internet.
jk rowling these days pic.twitter.com/BXNwurdSIP
‘ Gus DM Johnson (@Gusbuckets) March 19, 2019
jk rowling : voldemort had no nose because he was a cocaine addict
‘ lewis buchan (@lewisbuchan) March 17, 2019
JK Rowling: You know what else was nine and three quarters?
‘ Genki (@Genki_Rocket) March 17, 2019
JK Rowling: Grindrwald
‘ Maddie Whittle ??? (@maddiewhittle) March 17, 2019
Me: I loved Hagrid
JK Rowling: the reason why Hagrid lived outside of the Hogwarts castle is because he was a sex offender.
‘ Doth (@DothTheDoth) March 18, 2019
JK Rowling: you know there is a reason why Dumbledore is called the headmaster
‘ voldi (omg endlich gar kein ewig langer Name mehr) (@aKilljoyNvrDies) March 18, 2019
JK Rowling: pic.twitter.com/XKOl3KZzke
‘ gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) March 20, 2019
professor x: what ‘s your power?
jk rowling: i can rewrite the past of fictional characters
gay professor x : interesting
‘ Skoog (@Skoogeth) March 18, 2019
jk rowling: professor snape was gossip girl
‘ flat earther (@sharknado_18) March 19, 2019
JK Rowling: hagrid fucked the green m&m
‘ gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) March 18, 2019
me: i ‘
jk rowling: arthur weasley likes to watch
‘ David Mack (@davidmackau) March 18, 2019
We’ve seen it a hundred times before – boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back, and they live happily ever after. Until the credits roll. And after that, it’s a completely different story.
It’s real easy to verbally ejaculate into the collective American ear hole. All you need is a green screen, a camera, a fourth grade understanding of sentence structure, and a bucket load of vague thoughts.