By: Sloane Hughes
The news isn ‘t going to be exciting every single day. There are going to be times where the latest lottery winner is the most thrilling thing on tv, and that ‘s just the way it goes. The one exception to this, however, is Florida. Oh, Florida ‘ land of alligators, beautiful beaches, and the most consistently batshit crazy headlines ever, and they all typically start the same way:
“Florida man. ‘
In fact, this has become such a recognized phenomenon that there ‘s actually a subreddit dedicated to chronicling all the absolutely insane things that “Florida man ‘ gets up to.
EVERYBODY google “florida man ‘ followed by your birthday (florida man august 22) and tell me what you get. mine is Florida Man tries to attack neighbor with tractor
‘ swervin merv (@g_pratimaaa) March 19, 2019
And the latest way that people are using these hilarious headlines are by googling “Florida man ‘ and the day they were born to find ‘their own ‘ Florida man headline. You know how people save newspaper clippings from the day their kids were born? This is kind of like that, but way funnier.
My bday wasn ‘t as exiting as this dudes day pic.twitter.com/U2mwbzEM1s
‘ Ryan James (@RyanJamesTV) March 20, 2019
These headlines don ‘t even look like real events, they look like someone just mashed the predictive text button on their smartphone and after stringing a dozen random words together went, “yup that ‘ll do ‘.
florida man found bright green iguana in his toilet, called 911 https://t.co/6zx5tTrSRy
‘ vin; androgyne (@hologramvin) March 21, 2019
I ‘m glad whoever wrote this story specified the exact color of the iguana because man it would ‘ve been a lot weirder if the toilet lizard was like, orange.
i ‘m dead wtf aha this thread is gold pic.twitter.com/LJiQ5UfrWn
‘ Trin (@trindork) March 20, 2019
Okay honestly though this one is understandable. Who among us hasn ‘t made some mistakes just because they ‘re hungry?
Florida man with no arms charged with stabbing man with scissors https://t.co/XRVBPG8J1m
‘ Your Old Pal Andy (@youroldpalandy) March 21, 2019
I… have questions. Ultimately though I am kind of impressed.
thank you for this. pic.twitter.com/j0N6sOidOf
‘ Kristine ??? (@k_bompadre) March 20, 2019
HOT SAUCE!! The real hero of our time.
‘ Merrill (@Merrill_Corp) March 21, 2019
There isn ‘t any footage (I checked) but I ‘m sure Florida man fought valiantly.
Making AMERICA great again by keeping out all those S-Holers and letting in the whitest, I mean brightest immigrants from Norway.
In honor of Father ‘s Day, we here at Funny Or Die thought it would be nice to do a ‘Bring Your Dad To Work Day,” where FOD staff members were invited to bring their fathers to the office and then make them fight each other.
The fifth and final season of Breaking Bad began this week. All that intensity and searing drama can’t go on forever, but it’s one of the most popular and critically acclaimed shows on cable TV, so it can’t just go away. With so many great characters and unexplored storylines, the series is rich with potential spinoffs.