I ‘ve seen a lot of atrocious acts committed against food. Cheese on PopTarts, beans poured into Crocs shoes, but honestly nothing could have prepared me for this most egregious of food related crimes.
The bagel is a noble food. It ‘s dense yet fluffy, it acts as a vessel for countless spreads and can take a variety of forms, sweet, savory, hot, cold ‘ as far as I ‘m concerned, there is nothing the bagel can ‘t do and it deserves our respect.
So HOW in the good goddamn hell did ANYONE allow for this to happen????
Today I introduced my coworkers to the St Louis secret of ordering bagels bread sliced. It was a hit! pic.twitter.com/XNGbljtpYz
WHAT in the name of all that is CARB-FILLED and HOLE-Y is THAT
I hate to do this to you, I ‘m sorry for making you all witness this with your own eyes but I have to speak up for what I believe in. Computer ‘ enhance
NO.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
This method of cutting bagels goes is an AFFRONT TO NATURE. These heathens will argue that this allows for more cream cheese to be delivered per bagel slice and to that I say, you are entitled to your own opinion but also you ‘re wrong and bad. There is ONE right way to slice bagels and that is exactly ONE TIME right down the middle.
Thankfully, the majority of people agree. In fact, this is causing such a stir it ‘s being referred to as #BagelGate
Hey Jews, you know how at 7:43pm Monday evening we all simultaneously got a terrible feeling, as if something was horribly wrong, as though an abomination against god had been created, but we didn ‘t know what? I found out why. https://t.co/WI6cgeZv0Q
Alan and Liz were invited to Charlie and Victoria’s for dinner. The wine, great. The food, decent. The company… much worse. // Liz: Brooke Trantor / Victoria: Shira Scott Astrof
This time, Guy Nottadadi takes to the golf course, basketball court, ping pong table, and bowling alley to explain sterilization from the sporting man’s perspective.
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