By: Sloane Hughes
Future generations of this country, and hopefully the world, will learn about and honor November 2017 as the month that a giant dick appeared in the sky above Washington state. The phallic phenomenon was the product of none other than the US Navy, but the specifics of the story had always been a mystery.
The Navy was quick to issue an apology for the “obscene image ‘ in the sky, but no details were released beyond that. All the onlookers knew was what they saw before them ‘ someone had drawn a massive dong in the air, and that ‘s all that civilians would know for years.
‘ Adam Gessaman (@adamrg) November 17, 2017
Finally, after long last, the details of the infamous sky schlong investigation have been revealed to the public.
The dick was drawn in the sky by two junior officers who were described by their CO as being extremely talented and adept, which makes sense because, well, just look at how well they executed that work of art.
The most amazing part of this story, though, is the transcript of the conversation that occurred between the pilot and his cockpit partner, or EWO, which was obtained by The Navy Times, which includes tidbits like, “you should totally try to draw a penis, ‘ and the pilot explaining how he tried to essentially SCRIBBLE IT OUT OF THE SKY, and is absolutely worth your time and you should all go read right now.
Shoutout to the EWO, whoever you are, for really pushing this agenda.
If you need more convincing, here ‘s an excerpt.
Pilot: Dude, that would be so funny, airliners coming back on their way into Seattle, just this big fucking giant penis. We could almost draw a vein in the middle of it too.
Pilot: Balls are going to be a little lopsided.
[A few minutes later]
Pilot: Balls are complete. I just gotta navigate a little bit over here for the shaft.
EWO: Which way is the shaft going?
Pilot: The shaft will go to the left.
EWO: It ‘s gonna be a wide shaft.
Pilot: I don ‘t wanna make it just like, 3 balls.
Honestly I ‘m sad that they didn ‘t detail the veins ‘ but hey, they did a great job nonetheless.
Gentlemen, wherever you are and whatever the punishment you received for drawing that massive dick with contrails, just know that it was 100% worth it and I salute you.
Follow one woman’s journey as she edits herself into each week’s episode of ‘The Bachelor’ ‘ and into Ben’s heart.