By: Funny Or Die
Welcome to Georgia. A state of unparalleled beauty and unconstitutional abortion laws, but most importantly…peaches.
Stare at this lighthouse! Take a ride on this boat! And hopefully that will distract you from the fact that a bunch of white men who think a fetus can do karate want to put you in jail for having an abortion.
Even if you were raped. By your uncle Jeb. But enough about that. Who loves golf?
Isn ‘t it relaxing to watch those balls soar across the air? Did you know that once a fetus reaches the size of a golf ball it can recite the star spangled banner ‘.IN MANDARIN?!
How about our landscapes, eh? Don ‘t eat this peach! It ‘s alive and has a heart-beat ‘ and chromosomes too, probably. Who knows?
Feel free to eat this hand, however. It belongs to a woman who had a miscarriage.
Or visit Stone Mountain Park, with over 3,000 acres of trails, lakes, and amusement rides, like the mental roller coaster you ‘ll ride when you see Stone mountain itself, the world ‘s largest confederate monument.
Take a leap of faith… and explore the state that will give your embryo the right to child support. And you no rights at all.
In fact, if you perform an abortion we could lock you up for life, or even give you the death penalty. Cause that ‘s what pro-life means to us.
We found out we had the worst maternal mortality rate in the country and said “How can we make this situation worse? ‘ Which was a challenge, because that rate was already about three times as bad for black women as it is for white women.
But check out our cool landscapes! They boast one of the largest ironic art collections in the country! And wow, look at this mansion! Cool fountain, huh?
Georgia is home to historic mansions built by slaves. Which are here to remind you that white men will always try to control you. White men who definitely know how the reproductive system works.
They can ‘t shave their own backs, but they know what ‘s best for your body. It ‘s so gosh darn empowering!
Hey, remember when we dismantled the Voting Rights Act, and then Secretary of State ‘Brian Kemp presided over a governor ‘s election that he ran in himself and barely beat a black woman campaigning on, among other important issues, racial justice and gender equality? Us too!
There ‘s a reason God made our state in the shape of a pregnant belly. With all the children the government forces you to have, You ‘ll be struggling to keep your head above water. And that ‘s just the way we want it.
If you aren ‘t crying yet, you should be! This onion can cry, and plays the banjo too!
So strap on a helmet and dive right in to Georgia!
We haven ‘t even talked about Alabama yet…
Actor: Taylor Treadwell
Writer: Darren Miller, Tamara Yajia, Sue Smith, Eliza Hooper
Director/Producer/Editor: Darren Miller
Executive Producer: Chris Michael