By: Funny Or Die
Are you ready to watch people suffer? Well I bring you Pasi ‘n De Gavilanes, A Colombian Telenovela full of terribly acted deaths, horse accidents, and so much violence, that even abuela wants in on the fight. And for those of you wondering why there has to be this much suffering. Then my answer is that Telenovelas are hell. ‘
This telenovela tells the story of Libia, a poor woman, and her three muscular brothers: Angry, Horny and Stupidy. One day, Libia drops a bomb on her brothers by telling them she ‘s been having an affair with Senor Elizondo, a rich man that could be her grandpa, and looks like if Santa Clause had a midlife crisis and joined a gym.
Libia tells them that she ‘s been sneaking off with Senor Elizondo to have lots of sex in horse stables that smell like poo poo ‘and that SHE ‘S PREGNANT, which make her brother so mad, they smash each other ‘s faces into lumps of dough. ‘ ‘
Senor Elizondo promises the brothers that he ‘ll divorce his wife and marry their sister, except he immediately dies by falling off his horse. To make matters worse, their sister finds out about her lover ‘s death while she ‘s out shopping for beans and jumps off a bridge.
You think this is dramatic? Well we ‘re just getting started.
Binge all of “Telenovelas Are Hell ‘ on the FOD website
Narrated By: Tamara Yajia
Writer/Editor: Tamara Yajia
Editor: Paul Louis Smith