By: Dashiell Driscoll

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The ‘7th Heaven ‘ With The Bulimic Entrapment Dinner And Cult Brainwashing

Morning! Quick q. (how does a guy get…) Ahh. Simpler times. ‘

See shitheads manipulate idiots. (Kind of like church!) Smart kid. Eric explains repeating a lie creates believers. He knows all about preying on vulnerabilities. ‘

He wants to teach Simon brainwashing. (I bet if you … other kids to believe it) It ‘s not fair to trick Ruthie, so get her in as an accomplice. He knows ALL about preying on vulnerabilities. Simon begins his gaslighting. ‘

Chatty Cathy spreads lunchtime gossip that Shelby ‘s bulimic. She barely eats then always leaves. Probably to puke. Mary says that ‘s not proof! So Lucy plots to invite her to dinner under the guise of Algebra homework to expose her. ‘

Meanwhile, Gladys doesn ‘t know why her dear friend Mrs. Hinkle put her house up for sale and moved to a nursing home with no notice. She suspects her children forced her into this giant fridge. Mrs. Hinkle isn ‘t seeing visitors. ‘

Lucy invites Shelby to her vomit trap with a smile. Ice cold. ‘

Simon and Ruthie use their tiny brains to fool Matt ‘s tiny brain. Then tag team the rest of the fam. (must be shrinking…you need to see a doctor) What fun. ‘

Gladys is frantic. She hasn ‘t heard from Mrs. Hinkle! (I ‘m going to get her out…news) YO, WHAT THE HELL GLADYS GONNA DO?!? ‘

Mrs. Hinkle seems fine? Blink twice if you need help, lady! (my refrigerator … right in the door. Congratulations) Every part of this is my nightmare. ‘

They ask if her kids had something to do with her sudden move. She just wanted a smaller place with less upkeep. Plus security from intruders. AKA these two. Gladys knows something ‘s off. She ‘s gonna crack the case. Mrs. Hinkle goes to sleep at 2:45pm. ‘

Annie smells a scheme. They explain they ‘re tricking the family into thinking Simon ‘s shrinking to learn about group suicide. Standard day in the suburbs. Matt overhears. Annie ‘s fine with all of it. ‘

Alert! The starving eagle has landed. (gonna ge ta snack…where ‘s your bathroom) Gotcha! Lucy tells Mary, Shelby ‘s been gotten. Then admits she invited an allegedly bulimic classmate she barely knows over to see firsthand if she purges. Standard day in the suburbs. ‘

Eric, off Gladys ‘ suspicions, snoops on Mrs. Hinkle ‘s open house. Her two kids recite the word for word reasons Mrs. Hinkle said she moved! Oh fuck. They ‘re cult leaders! A really small and boring old cult. Eric snitches. His dad alarms still went off on someone else ‘s adult children. ‘

Mary observers Simon ‘s baggy pants. Is he shrinking? (you need ot see a doctor) He can ‘t reach his other dorky clothes! Matt says he ‘s smaller! Dear god! He really is shrinking! (you need to see a doctor) Happy the dog is the smartest one in the room. ‘

Eric and Gladys confront Mrs. Hinkle about her kids ‘ identical “sell the house and put mama in a home ‘ talking points. She divulges her children are in credit card debt and want to travel. And after talking they all decided it ‘d be best if she lives in a shithole so they can pay of their Amex and go on vacation. ‘

She now sees letting a conversation convince you about selling your house is dangerous. So she lets this conversation convince her about selling her house. ‘

Simon believes he ‘s shrinking into nothing. We should all be so lucky. Matt confesses he heard and tricked him by moving his shit and telling Mary and altering his pants. But Simon still insists on seeing a doctor. Annie scolds Matt for duping simple Simon into an “I ‘m shrinking ‘ check up that ‘s certainly not covered by insurance. ‘

Mrs. Hinkle and Gladys stop the house sale. Be gone with your broke asses! (what if someone….stranger children) Ain ‘t that about a bitch. ‘

Shelby excuses herself from dinner. Annie ‘s on it! (check if you ‘re ok…you think I just threw up) She was just brushing her braces! Shelby ‘s OK with her regurgitation reputation. It ‘s better than the truth. (I ‘m hungry…my mom ‘s welfare got cut off and things are tough) Cool! She ‘s not bulimic, just starving to death from poverty. ‘

Shelby KNEW this whole thing was a stomach sting operation but didn ‘t care because she ‘s that fucking hungry. She actually apologizes for using them for their food. Annie invites Shelby and her family over for dinner any time. Then tells Lucy to tell everyone else she ‘s not bulimic. But also offers no alternative explanation. That should stop the rumors. ‘

So what did we learn today? ‘

That classmate you think is bulimic? She ‘s just brushing her braces and so poor she ‘s starving. And brainwashing others, especially those you call family, is a great way to get them on board with your selfish plans. Just make sure they stay brainwashed and don ‘t reverse brainwash your dumb ass. And it ‘s better to be murdered by a stranger than robbed by your children. See you next time on A Very Special Episode. ‘

Need a proper fix of 7th Heaven? Watch the show now on Amazon or Hulu.

Actor/ Writer/ Editor: Dashiell Driscoll
VFX: Bryan Wieder
Post Supervisor: Kia Reghabi

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