By: Sloane Hughes

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Sleep Tracker Apps Record Farts And I ‘m Laughing So Hard I ‘m Sweating

We ‘re all grown-ups here with adult sensibilities and mature senses of humor, right? Right. We all appreciate a more refined joke than merely a video of someone losing their balance on ice or bumping into a door frame, right? Mhmm, yes, quite, indeed. So of course we wouldn ‘t laugh at something as uncouth as… gasp… a fart joke.


Just kidding, farts are hilarious always.

That ‘s why whoopee cushions and fart machines are still around! Because they ‘re never not funny! NEVER! And now, thanks to rapidly ever-improving technology, we have a whole new way of appreciating flatulence.

Sleep tracker apps.

You ‘re probably familiar with these already, I think they even come automatically programmed into most smartphones now. These apps use the microphone to track your sleep pattern, when you ‘re tossing and turning, when you ‘re snoring, when you ‘re talking in your sleep, when you get up to grab a glass of water, and then use that data to wake you up at the optimal time in your sleep cycle. One feature of these apps is you can actually go back and listen to the recordings throughout the night whenever noise was detected, personally I don ‘t know why anyone would want to listen to themselves snore and I am way too afraid of ghosts to even try that out. But apparently we don ‘t need to be worried about things that go bump in the night, what we should be focusing on are the things that go “ffrmmmmphff ‘ in the night.

That ‘s right ‘ these apps record farts.

And I honest to god cannot remember the last time I laughed this hard.

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