By: Amanda Cerny
Article by Kat Curtis
Have you dealt with someone who sucked SO BAD that you wondered, “Where ‘d this jerk learn how to be such a jerk? ‘ Well, they probably learned it HERE (and so can you!)
Buckle up and get ready for a master class in psychological warfare because Brie Summers – author of the best-selling books Success by Failing Up and Stop Listening and Start Deflecting: 101 Ways to Tell Someone How They Feel – is going to teach YOU how to be a complete asshole in to people you encounter in your everyday life!
How to be a jerk to a customer service rep (in 3 simple steps!)
- A customer service rep ‘s entire job is to help you, and you don ‘t even have to look them in the eye. Remember: the first person you talk to is a pawn. Get to the supervisor. Then complain when he asks you to explain everything again.
- Get irrationally angry with this human you ‘ve never met who makes minimum wage at a company that mildly inconvenienced you. They ‘re here to help you, so if you ‘re a strong jerk, you ‘ll take all your anger out on them.
- Insist they give you free stuff or refunds. It ‘s unwarranted, but by now, you ‘ve created a bad customer service experience, so they basically owe it to you.
How to be a jerk to your server (in 5 quick steps!)
- Forget their name – even if you can clearly see their name tag.
- Be sure to ask “What ‘s the best thing on the menu? ‘ Be visibly disgusted with their recommendation, and order something totally different.
- Waste the server ‘s time with small talk, flirting, unwanted sexual advances, etc…
- When you get the bill, be sure to complain about how expensive the food is (even if it isn ‘t!)
- Instead of leaving a fiscal tip, leave a different kind of tip like your phone number, unsolicited advice, or a show recommendation! Why give this underpaid and underappreciated person MONEY when you can bless them with WISDOM!?
How to be a jerk at the grocery store (in only 4 simple steps!)
- Take up as much room in the isle as possible – make sure NO ONE can get around you!
- Touch and squeeze ALL the produce (remember: sharing is caring – and that includes your sharing your germs!)
- Abandon your cart in the middle of an aisle. Pick up a new one for fun !(bonus points if you pick up someone else ‘s cart!)
- If there ‘s a ticket system at the deli counter, don ‘t bother with it! And if an employee tries to kindly remind you to take a ticket – brutally scold them for wasting your time.
Note: Being a jerk can get lonely at times – but don ‘t worry – you can find the other jerks hanging out in the 12 items or less line with 36 items or more. Remember – misery loves company!
By now, you should be feeling more confident to be a jerk to both friends and lovers alike. But what about those who have been hardwired to love you unconditionally? That ‘s right. Your family. Our next class will arm you with the tools to burn those bridges completely!
Amanda Cerny (Brie Summers)
Addie Weyrich (Madison)
Michelle Akeley- 1st AD
Kevin Cardoni- Production Manager
Marla Black- Production Coordinator
Noa Skikne- Production Assistant
Anna Asher- Script Supervisor
Arlene Muller- Director of Photography
Kalea Calloway- Camera Operator
Minami Moriyama- 1st Assistant Camera
Moses Okunoren- Camera PA
Marizo Siller- Gaffer
Phil Gardner- Key Grip
Caitlin Williams- Production Designer
Ed Raines- Set Dresser
Layla Kornota- Prop Master
Samantha Crainich- Art PA
Wade Vanover- Construction
Jessica Leigh Schwartz- Hair & Make Up Artist
Alison Holmes- Costumer
Nial Morgan- Sound Mixer
Jen Freeman- COVID-19 Compliance Officer
Joshua Rathmell- Editor
Andrew Jewell – Keying Editor
Bryan Weider- Animator & Graphics
Paul Smith- Animator & Graphics
Kristopher Wile- Animator
Head of Physical Production, FOD- Jim Ziegler
Head of Post Production, FOD- Phil Loeb
Manager, Post Production, FOD- Cody Pereira