The Ship Is Free, Why Am I So Sad

Last week the world was captivated by Ever Given, the cargo ship that became lodged in the Suez Canal, effectively halting 12% of the world ‘s trade for a full work week. This caused many people to say, “Hey, perhaps it ‘s not very good that a single waterway ‘s functionality can make or break a sizeable chunk of global trade. ‘

But then a much more important revelation was made, which was that Ever Given ‘s final course before getting stuck in the canal drew a giant dick and ass in the Red Sea.

There was never an official comment given by the crew or Evergreen Marine, the company to which the ship is registered, on why this impressively detailed course was charted, but that ‘s fine. We don ‘t need an answer, all that matters is that it happened.

The next updates in this ridiculous saga came from the Suez Canal Authority, which included a picture of the single excavator being used to try and dig this colossal ship out of the canal in superb Little Toaster That Could fashion, and a series of weird sizzle reels with intense music that answered exactly zero questions.