Author: Jared Posts A Personal

Existential crises can be a real blast, especially when you’re the person having one while sitting in your parents’ damp and poorly lit basement, in which you live, at the age of 45. They are slightly less fun when it’s your best friend doing all the crisising smack in the middle of what you desperately want to be a date with a girl that everyone pretty much knows you’re going to end up with in the end anyway. If this all sounds emotionally exhausting, that’s because it is…but that doesn’t change the fact that Jared and Nick have to deal with it regardless. Not only does Nick come the realization that his life has been nothing but a series of meaningless and disgusting trysts, but Jared’s hair seems to be having a troubles of its own. Seriously, Brooklyn is lousy with apprentice hair stylists desperate for the experience and THAT’S the best he could do?

There’s only one difference between a take and a bust, and that’s how fast you can play your mark. But don’t get restless out there, ’cause one wrong move and you’re in the clink for 6 to 9 for standing by your crew on a job you thought was raw all along. After all, loyalty is for suckers and heroes, and you’re neither. Which is why when Jared’s estranged, yet rich, sister asks him to dog-sit, it’s like hearing that old song again, but twice as loud and half as fast. Only this time the stakes are as high as the payout, ’cause for the first time, it’s the last time. One last pull to make everything right, keep the past behind you, right boys? Well you can’t always outrun the past, Jared, Nick and Tim. But sometimes, you gotta try; just to feel the wind at your back, if only for a moment. After all, life’s a choice, and every choice is a moment and every moment is chance, and every chance is a chance. Also something about dating or something maybe. I dunno, we’re having fun.

We join Jared and his cohorts at 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon as they stroll into a bar, which is not at all a sad thing because they probably had the day off or something completely reasonable. Anyway, they stumble across Walter who is hopelessly planning some sort of weird speed dating event that they of course get lured into because what kind of episode would it be if they didn’t?

Think about this: If you post a missed connection ad multiple times, but are purposely vague, won’t your chances of meeting at least someone drastically increase? The answer is no; nobody answers those things, and you should learn to just talk to people. Because you have value as a person. But this is a fictitious ha-ha storytime laugh display, so Season two begins as a mysterious woman approaches Jared outside a bar, late at night…