Robby_Biegler

5 Other Elements of Obamacare the Supreme Court Surprisingly Didn’t Overturn (Because They Never Actually Existed)

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die June 28, 2012

Founding Fathers despair! Obamacare has been upheld! A stunning defeat for personal freedom, morbid obesity, emergency rooms and funeral parlors! But perhaps more surprising than the individual mandate being upheld, is that some of the most controversial elements of Obamacare were also not ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, largely because, despite what we were told by crazy drifters on public transportation and Fox News analysts (whose knowledge of politics and public policy are strikingly similar) they never actually existed. These included:

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6 Cool Things the Dark Knight Rises will Probably be Cooler Than

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die May 7, 2012

If this past weekend has proven anything it’s that the opportunity to drop $20 to watch the Dark Knight Rises new trailer and stay to see Scarlett Johansson in black leather in IMAX is too tempting to pass up! Incidentally, if you think I’m making some snide commentary on the excess cost of movie tickets, in this case I’m not. Spending $20 to see the Williamsburg Bridge blow up in IMAX seems perfectly reasonable (just as long as Sleigh Bells isn’t on the Bridge at the time). Having said that, given the cost of movie tickets, I’m pretty sure Bane would spend this summer blowing up every theatre showing The Dark Knight Rises. Anyway, not to overhype, but the Dark Knight Rises is like Christmas for Olivia Munn Google imagers. And it’s already probably better than at least these 6 things ‘

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The Best, and Worst, Things about a Leap Year Birthday

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die February 28, 2012

I was born on February 29th, which I’ve often been told explains a lot about me, which I can only assume is a compliment. All birthdays have their plusses and minuses, but the Leap Year birthday, not unlike the Christmas birthday, or the 9/11 birthday, has a unique subset of them. These include:

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10 Terrifying Things I Learned Reading January’s Cosmo

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die January 10, 2012

Pretty much everything I need to know about women I’ve learned from ignoring my mother and Google imaging Pippa Middleton. But I’m always open to new ideas and insights. Consequently I borrowed my roommate’s January Cosmo in order to brush up on the feminine mystique. Here’s what I learned:

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?Quien Es Mas Macho?: Star Trek vs. Star Wars

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die December 15, 2011

?Quien Es Mas Macho?: Star Trek vs. Star Wars

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8 Things to Hate About the Holidays

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die November 30, 2011

It’s the holidays, the best time of year ‘to complain about the holidays! So, without further ado, here are the things, beyond the Lexus December to Remember sales event; your friends’ Roone Aldredge on Munich like Twitter reporting of their Christmas dinner; and kids, that make this season so insufferable.

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Handicapping the GOP Race Based on Looks

Robby_Biegler, Funny Or Die November 22, 2011

Politics, it’s been said, is simply Hollywood for unattractive people. And as bad as Democrats look, Republicans, with their Herb Tarlek hair and suits, have always looked worse. Like way worse. But this year’s Republican primary has broken those rules. What the candidates may lack in political competency and credibility they almost make up for in aesthetics. Now, because there’s nothing more dubious than listening to an ostensibly straight male talk about the looks of other ostensibly straight males I’ve enlisted the analytic talents of an older female cousin, a gay brother, and a Republican ex-girlfriend to figure out who is best looking and consequently all but guaranteed to lose to the much better looking Barack Obama in 2012.

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