BATMAN ARRESTED, GOTHAM CRIME RUNS RAMPANT

Gotham- Tuesday afternoon, the caped vigilante known as “the Batman” was arrested by Gotham City Police on charges of assault. Officers initially responded to a domestic violence call made by local butler Alfred Pennyworth. Batman was taken into custody for over four hours, precipitating a violent crime wave across the city.

As word of Batman’s arrest spread, Gotham’s criminals used the Dark Knight’s temporary detainment to engage in unadulterated mayhem.

“Today is like Christmas for us,” said local psychopath Scarecrow, hijacking a armored car. “Everyone’s getting in on the action- Harley Quinn, Bane, Man-Bat, even King Tut.”

The Caped Crusader was released on $100,000 bail, posted by Gotham billionaire Bruce Wayne. Said Police Commissioner Gordon: “Batman, who denies the allegation, cooperated throughout, gave his account of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police.”

“Batman is obviously a very private person,” said Alfred the butler. “We would like to keep this matter between us.”

Said District Attorney Harvey Dent: “Arresting Batman was a tough call for us. We depend on him to protect the city from deranged criminals. But he was out of line attacking some poor butler… You know, it’s funny- you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”