NBC AGREES TO PURCHASE MICHAEL PHELPS

Human rights organizations across the country have condemned the sale of U.S. Olympic swimming sensation Michael Phelps to NBC Universal Corporation. The presence of Phelps at this years Olympics and his attempt to win a record eight career gold medals has catapulted NBC ‘s ratings to record highs which prompted the purchase of the 6 ‘4 ‘ human being. Debbie Phelps, the mother of the 23 year old athlete received a check in the ‘very high six figures ‘ in exchange for full ownership of their son. Kevin Koenig of The International Human Rights Watch criticized the transaction saying ‘every person of conscious should be outraged by NBC ‘s blatant disregard for human rights.” It is unclear how NBC Universal plans to utilize the new property. But insiders believe Mr. Phelps will be forced into several prime time shows as well as hosting Saturday Night Live in an effort to bolster the numbers for the fourth place network.

The Phelps transaction is not the first time NBC has purchased a human outright. “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno was recently freed from a long period of indentured servitude to the media giant. Audrey Greenberg-Menendez of Amnesty International claims, ‘NBC is by no means the only television studio that practices slavery.” Records show that last year CBS bought seven Indian and Bangladeshi youths from a human trafficking king pin in Amsterdam to write scripts for the CBS evening news. ABC, According to Greenberg-Menendez, stole Roseanne Barr from her native Salt Lake City and forced her to star in her own eponymous sitcom for several seasons. Further research into the issue of TV slavery has revealed that the legal guardian of ‘Two And A Half Men ‘ star Angus T. Jones is listed on the 15 year old tax records as The Viacom Corporation. Viacom is a subsidiary of The CBS Corporation on which the raunchy, laugh-a-minute sitcom can be seen Monday ‘s at 9:00 p.m. right before ‘The New Adventures of Old Christine ‘.

A spokesman for NBC Universal could not be reached for comment.