McCain Volunteer Actually Assaulted By Rabid Scott Baio Fan

Pittsburgh, PA- In a shocking revelation, Ashley Todd, a 20-year-old college student has admitted to being attacked by a violent Scott Baio fan. Earlier this week, Todd claimed she was attacked by a 6-foot-4 black man who carved a “B” on her cheek. The McCain camp reached out to Todd, believing that the attack was politically motivated. After failing a polygraph test, Todd revised her story to police, admitting the attacker was actually 18-year old Megan Johnson, an obsessive fan of actor Scott Baio.

“I wasn’t robbed at an ATM,” said Todd, still sporting a black eye and “B”-shaped cut. “Truth is, I got into a fight with a classmate about who was better on Charles In Charge, WIllie Aames or Scott Baio. I’ve always been a Willie Aames fan, but I didn’t expect Megan to go apeshit on me and carve a ‘B’ in my face.”

As the national panic over Ashley Todd’s ordeal fades, Todd looks toward the future philosophically: “I’m just happy I was able to set the facts straight before the media forgets me and this completely unimportant event forever.”