By: Dan Abramson

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Pro Bowl Recap: Wow, That Was Surprisingly Entertaining

Just kidding. The Pro Bowl's a fake game and not worth watching. If I wanted to watch millionaires go on vacation, I'd rent ‘Couples Retreat.

Needless to say, I did not watch the Pro Bowl. I had more important things on my agenda. Like living my life watching Pretty in Pink and wondering why everyone keeps tweeting about the SAG Awards — which, by the way, seems about as real as the Pro Bowl*. At least that had Colin Firth.

ANYWAY, if you’d like a reason to never watch the Pro Bowl ever again because it is a terrible thing that only small children believe in, please watch how it ended:

What makes me especially sad about that play is that its execution is pretty much the fantasy of every child who ever played football in his front yard. (That and pretending you’re in game 7 of the World Series and you’re down three with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth, and promptly hitting a homer into your living room window). The point is that the Pro Bowl has officially ruined that fantasy. If the eleven year-old version of me saw that, he’d be disgusted. Why don’t we tell that version of myself that Lindsay Hirsch** did not in fact have a crush on him while we’re at it? That she wasn’t dating Robert Difiore to get to him? Go ahead, tell him.

Bottom line is that the Pro Bowl sucks and Lindsay Hirsch was totally in love with me.

*not real
**Actual name.***
***Unless she’s reading this. If that’s the case, Hey Linsday! JK about the whole being in love with you when I was 11.

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