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8 Possible “Crank” Sequels

By Hours

CRANK: SUPER COOL DUDE

Chev Chelios ‘?? has been injected with a toxic amount of Testosterone. He only has two hours to find a cure before his balls explode. However, the insane amount of Testosterone has turned him into the coolest dude in the world. With great raditude comes great distractions: Chev must avoid the temptations of playing volleyball with hot babes, popping wheelies on motorcycles, and judging wet t-shirt contests.

CRANK: VAGINA

Chev Chelios ‘?? penis has been stolen, andreplaced with a vagina. ­

CRANK: CHICKEN FINGER FINGERS

Chev Chelios ‘?? fingers have been replaced withchicken fingers. He hasn ‘??t eaten in three days. He has to find his realfingers. He’s so hungry, but if eats his chicken finger fingers, he won’t be able to open doors. And he has to do two things today: kick some ass, and open doors. But it won ‘??t be easy: the chicken finger fingers have a sweet, savoryBBQ seasoning. They were fried the perfect amount, crispy and yet succulent. Also Chev gave up meat for Lent, and he’s super religious.

CRANK: ELBOW AND ARROWS

Chev Chelios ‘?? elbow has been replaced with a bowand arrows.

CRANK: DILDO HANDS

C

hev Chelios hands have been replaced withdildos. He only has two hours to get his hands back. But it won ‘??t be easy-every woman he sees wants to use his dildo hands to pleasure themselves. To get his real hands back, he will have to avoid the rabidflocks of horny women. Can he avoid flocks of women trying to use his ligimentsfor masturbation purposes? What will he do with the dildos once he gets his handsback? Will he donate them to the lonely horny women? Try to sell them? Throw them away?

CRANK: 'I'M A GAY MAN' T-SHIRT

Chev Chelios ‘?? t-shirt has been stolen andreplaced with a shirt that says ‘??I ‘??m a Gay Man ‘? ‘. The shirt is very tight, soit ‘??s hard to get off. If he doesn ‘??t get it back, people will think he is a gay man. And as if things couldn’t get worse, he’s been dropped out of a helicopter…into the middle of a Gay Pride Parade.

CRANK: SONG STUCK IN HEAD

An evil scientist has injected a potion into ChevChelios with a terrible side effect: he has a U2 song stuck in his head.He can ‘??t stop thinking about it. It ‘??s really starting to piss him off. He can ‘??tremember what the song is called. It might be ‘??Zooropa ‘? ‘; It ‘??s definitely notone of the big singles. It might be on the Greatest Hits. They don ‘??t play itlive very often.

CRANK: CANKLES

Chev Chelios ankles have been replaced withcankles. He will have to get them back. But it won ‘??t be easy: his socks don ‘??tfit. He ‘??ll have to buy new socks.

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