By: Funny Or High
High Article #11: I Went To The Gym
3:55 PM: I ‘m walking over to the gym. I remember how soft the chinchillas were. I ‘ll probably never get to touch one again. I should have done it more.
3:58 PM: I ‘m at the gym. The guy tells me I need a new keychain scanner pass thing. It takes me a while to get the old one off and the new one on.
4:02 PM: I weigh myself in pounds and also in kilograms, which it never occurred to me to check out before. You know, people turn up their noses at the imperial system of measurement, but pounds are a lot more precise than kilograms, because they ‘re smaller.
4:15 PM: I realize I only brought shorts, socks, and shoes. No sports bra or running top. I hope I left them at home this morning, and that they ‘re not crumpled somewhere in my office.
4:18 PM: I think for a while about what to do. I decide to run in the shirt I wore to work today. It ‘s pretty cold in here. I don ‘t think I ‘ll sweat. The bench is so cold I thought it was all wet at first.
4:19 PM: I ‘ve never been here on a weekday. The music ‘s much better. Daft Punk.
4:20 PM: Nope. Now it ‘s ‘Butterfly.” That angry love rap from the nineties. I ‘m going to start on the elliptical.
4:26 PM: Just did five minutes on the elliptical. I was going to do longer but the elliptical ‘s really boring. Also I read an article that said it doesn ‘t burn as many calories as it claims.
4:32 PM: I decided to try a machine I ‘d never tried before. I do this knee swiveller one. It ‘s supposed to strengthen your core. And hey we could all use a stronger core.
4:34 PM: I don ‘t really know how to use this. I set it on low weight. I feel like the guy across from me is staring at me because he knows I don ‘t know how to use it. Does he think I ‘m going to hurt myself?
4:36 PM: I think I ‘ll go over to the treadmill. I need something that sets the pace for me. I ‘m doing everything too slowly.
70% of the treadmills are going slowly with no one on them. It ‘s kind of eerie and lonely. I took a little video.
4:42 PM: It ‘s actually kind of hot in here. I ‘m getting sweaty on the treadmill.
4:52 PM: Walking back to the office. I remember my first grade teacher was really supportive of me. I wonder if she ‘d be disappointed in me.
4:57 PM: I stop to tie my shoelaces. They ‘re wet from the rain. They rub against each other in a really unpleasant, fibrous way. Like someone rubbing a squeaky balloon. I exercised for 12 minutes.