By: News

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Baltimore Protestor Berates Geraldo’s Shit-Eating Grin

Geraldo has had a tough time covering the unrest in Baltimore for Fox News the last few days. Criticized for their coverage of the violence and looting that represents a small minority of the protests and missing the overall message of the demonstrations, Fox News and other cable news outlets have been confronted by community members making it difficult for them to report from the streets.

In this video shot in West Baltimore, a man passionately confronts Geraldo saying he wants Fox News out of Baltimore and that Geraldo is not reporting on all the issues that face Baltimore or the death of Freddie Gray but rather focusing on ‘black riots.”

‘I want the white media out of Baltimore city until you ‘re here to report the real story.”

While Geraldo is confronted, on a public street by the way, he tries walking away from the man with a plastered-on smile and a condescending self assurance that only a seasoned TV man can keep up.

Later, in a live report that Geraldo is making for Sean Hannity, a less smiley Geraldo is trying to interview the State Senate Majority Leader when the same man from the above video disrupts the broadcast by standing in front of the camera and saying ‘we want you all gone,” which you have to admit, is a reasonable request. I ‘d do the same if Geraldo was anywhere near my home. Many others in the crowd loudly and peacefully refute what Geraldo is reporting. Geraldo quickly loses his nerve and yells at the camera blockers.

Another fun moment is when Geraldo tries to get refuge from the Senator from the crowd by getting closer to her and the first thing she says is ‘We want the media to move back.”

What ‘s most disappointing about this situation is how Geraldo was pushed to the point of dropping that self-satisfied shit-eating grin of his so quickly. I mean, we ‘re talking about Geraldo Rivera here, TV news and crap-stirring veteran. He ‘s been coached on how to keep cool under pressure when reporting from the most hostile of situations.

I reached out to Geraldo ‘s shit-eating grin coach, Nancy Sugar, to see what she had to say about Geraldo ‘s performance in Baltimore.

Nancy Sugar

Thanks for joining me Nancy. So, first of all, who are you and what do you do?
Thanks for having me. I actually don ‘t do a lot of interviews, probably because most people don ‘t know that my job exists, but it absolutely does exist and I ‘m good at it. I ‘m a professional shit-eating grin coach for members of the media, celebrities, and pretty much anyone who can easily get called out for their bullshit if they ever have to interact with the American hoi polloi.

Ooh, that ‘s exciting! Other than Geraldo, who else have you worked with?
Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Um, Roger Goodell, pretty much every CEO of a major American corporation that has been on a documentary. Oh, and Bill Maher. Bill Maher is my prized pupil.

From your professional perspective, is it safe to say that Geraldo did a bad job keeping his smug smile while being confronted in Baltimore?
Yes. I ‘m very disappointed in Mr. Rivera. He was a bad boy and because of his failures I have already scheduled two-a-day shit-eating sessions with him for the next month. He ‘ll act upset by it, but Geraldo ‘s one of those people that enjoy the training.

Now what is it that makes a good shit-eating grin?
Well, there are a lot of things. First, you have to make sure your mouth is technically in the smiling position. That ‘s the easy part. The more difficult part is balancing a blind self righteousness while also letting your eyes flood with complete and utter terror. Anyone looking at you while you ‘re wearing a shit-eating grin has to know that 1. You think you ‘re better than them BUT ALSO 2. Deep down, you even know that you ‘re full of bullshit and that you fear being actually forced to atone for your crimes against humanity. Finally, you gotta have fun with it. Like anything, if you enjoy what you do, you ‘re gonna be good at it.

And what is having a shit-eating grin useful for?
Well, being able to put on a shit-eating grin is useful in many different situations. Even for everyday people, you can put one on at the dinner table once an argument you ‘re having with your spouse is starting to make you insecure, or at a parent-teacher conference when you ‘re child ‘s teacher is telling you how it ‘s important for your child to respect the nerds in their class. But for my higher profile students, a shit-eating grin is very useful any time someone is yelling at you and you don ‘t know what to say.

Well, thanks for joining me, Nancy. Any tips for beginners out there that want to work on their shit-eating grin?
The most important part of having a shit-eating grin is thinly veiled insecurity. It seems simple but just going out into the world and acting like you ‘re better than everyone is a great way to build up your S.E.G.

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