Jeb Bush’s 10-Point Plan On How Overworked Americans Should Work Longer Hours

This week, Jeb Bush said that in order to grow the economy, Americans should ‘work longer hours.” The U.S. is already the most overworked nation in the world, with the average American working 137 more hours per year than his/her Japanese counterpart and 499 more hours than the French. So where can we fit in this extra work that Jeb Bush wants us to do? Here ‘s a plan for us all to work until we die, via a man who was born a millionaire:

• Bring a few sandwiches to work on when you go to the break room at Quiznos
• Drive time is wasted time ‘ scream some business ideas at other motorists as you pass them
• You can also maximize this time by becoming an Uber driver, to pick up fares as you drive between your first job and your second job
• Make missiles in your garage during the weekend so the government doesn ‘t have to spend so much on defense and can provide American workers with basic benefits
• Replace your seat at the conference room table with a toilet
• The time you spend in bed is money you could be making by prostituting your body ‘ selling sex, in other words, as a kind of whore
• If you dig big holes for a job, you should spend more time digging bigger and deeper holes
• A good way to work longer hours is to start working when you ‘re a baby. To that end, we need baby-sized offices, with baby-sized cubicles and baby-sized water coolers
• If you have to go to a funeral, ask if the funeral home has Wi-Fi so you can fill out some spreadsheets on your laptop
• If you have children, never, ever listen to Harry Chapin ‘s ‘Cats in the Cradle”