By: Ben Wietmarschen

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What Will It Take For Me To Stop Liking Kanye West?

I love Kanye West. I can ‘t wait to watch the highlights from his fashion show Yeezy Season 3 after it happens (I can ‘t afford Tidal!)!

He makes good-ass music that is not only great to listen to, but also makes you feel like you ‘re in territory that music has never ventured to yet. He also did this:

And, not to be overlooked, he has repeatedly put on the best, most risky, boundary shattering, live TV performances of our generation, and that ‘s pretty cool.

But then he also does stuff where you ‘re like, ‘Aw crap man what the frick?!”

The optimistic side of my Kanye fandom makes me think that little attention-starved outbursts are things all genius artists have been plagued with throughout time. The difference being that previous generations ‘ genius artists did the outbursts in the privacy of their own home or studio or coke-fiend-riddled nightclub without a medium readily available to throw their crazy thought at millions of people at one time like Twitter/Facebook/Ustream/etc.

Kanye West has a new album debuting at a sold-out event in Madison Square Garden today and to drum up intrigue or ‘ depending on how cynical you want to choose your words ‘ attention, he ‘s throwing insane crap on his Twitter. But it ‘s Twitter and Kanye will literally put whatever on this thing.

The randomness of his tweets combined with the fact that anything that appears on Twitter counts for roughly 1/5th of a human ‘s final legitimate thought on whatever they ‘re tweeting about, gives Kanye plenty of wiggle room to avoid getting final damnation into ‘I-can ‘t, I-just-can ‘t-no-more-with-this-guy ‘s-freaking-crap” status.

And plenty of people have talked about how hard it is to write Kanye off, but the conclusion that I keep coming back to is simple: He ‘s the most interesting artist around in a culture that considers ‘going for it” in a televised lip-synch battle something worth considering for even a second. Also I ‘m very sure David Bowie would have tweeted some crazy stuff too. That ‘s undeniable.

The question we gotta ask ourselves, then, is obvious: What will it take to stop liking Kanye West?

  • If he stops releasing great music and making genre-shifting performances.

That ‘s really the only one. Everything else is kind of just one-off noise, who cares, ya know? There is no one thing.

But I can imagine a sequence of 10 things that, if Kanye did them, it would get me to stop liking him. Probably.

The Sequence Of 10 Events That Would Have To Happen For Me To Stop Liking Kanye West

  1. He tweets ‘Got my hands on the codes, gonna give them to North Korea. ‘

  2. He starts talking a lot about how seltzer is bad for you.

  3. He tweets ‘Wheelchairs = for losers”

  4. Video footage emerges of him at a lip-sync battle proclaiming that someone ‘killed it.”

  5. He tweets ‘I ‘ve hidden guns throughout the country, pick ’em up and start shooting! ‘

  6. He breaks someone ‘s sweet old gradma ‘s favorite flower vase as a performance piece during his concerts.

  7. He tweets ‘Just killed some dogs. You should too.”

  8. He breaks Steph Curry ‘s arm for no apparent reason.

  9. He tweets ‘Ya mom ‘s a dweeb and she ‘s fat! I ‘m talking about YOUR mom, Ben Wietmarschen, Funny Or Die humor writer.”

10.He gets the authority to redesign the American Flag and changes it at all.

What ‘s your sequence of 10 things that would get you to stop liking Kanye West? Post them to the internet, he ‘s probably interested.

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