11 Surefire Tricks To Never Smoke Again Pitch and Funny Or Die 7 years ago Always be covered in gasoline Join a human centipede Only smoke underwater Build a time machine, go back in time to the day before you started smoking, and kill yourself Start a petition to rename cigarettes ‘baby wieners ‘ Replace one cigarette in the pack with a tiny stick of dynamite Die from lung cancer Have J. K. Simmons scream in your face ‘Not my Marlboro! ‘ Move somewhere really windy so you literally can ‘t ever light a cigarette Admit that camels are not good role models Smoke a pack of cigarettes while watching your parents have sex Hire Peyton Manning to fire a football at your throat every time you light up Cut off your hands