By: Mike Glazer
Ooof, what a week.The world is crazy, and sometimes you just need a break from it all. It took some digging, but I found a mish-mosh of gems that have NOTHING to do with everything else going on.
[covers up wife to flex in every pic] pic.twitter.com/HLOFcJB4tm
‘ Duncan Donut (@C2Mhud) August 10, 2017
first guy to ever say cowabunga: cowabunga, dude
his friend: what the fuck did u just say
‘ Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) August 15, 2017
Hey guys, for everyone who saw Glazed Ham get tasered in the dick and ass on Periscope earlier, we poured heavy cream on him and he's fine.
‘ Stefan Heck (@boring_as_heck) August 13, 2017
ELLEN: so i see u tweet about wanting to die
ME: haha yeah sometimes
*Death appears, sneaks up behind me*
ME: omg ellen you didnt
‘ Cory (@killlmefam) August 11, 2017
I am a proud member of the Exaggerators Club. Membership 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and growing.
‘ Day Weingarten (@jayweingarten) August 15, 2017
What do you call a video teaching you how to play the trumpet? A toot-orial! Ahhhh! This joke is music to my ears. #WockaWocka!
‘ Fozzie Bear (@FozzieBear) August 15, 2017
ME: Why don't you guys want to hang out anymore?
FRIEND: Well ever since you got that thesaurus…
ME: Is it my perspicacity? My panache?
‘ Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) August 16, 2017
oh my god pic.twitter.com/DatMz7skmW
‘ weak belwas (@vrunt) August 14, 2017
‘ wint (@dril) August 16, 2017
I am a:
Carly Rae Jepsen's 2015 masterpiece E ‘MO ‘TION to receive the justice it deserves
‘ Spencer Niemetz (@SPENCERcNIEMETZ) August 14, 2017
you guys enjoying your meal? pic.twitter.com/3ZM0XBpSgF
‘ rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) August 11, 2017
‘ Jim Tozzi (@specialsquid) August 17, 2017
If you started school today Shoutout you man! Also how are you reading this… pay attention
‘ Chance The Rapper (@chancetherapper) August 14, 2017
‘ Shannon Stirone (@shannonmstirone) August 14, 2017
how to cheer up a miserable friend xox pic.twitter.com/CPJH6jDOoS
‘ Chris (Simpsons artist) (@getbentsaggy) August 16, 2017
Me:[watching a meteor shower] cmon cmon… make the turn, smash into us you fucking cowards
‘ grimes ‘s boyfriend (@AbrasiveGhost) August 13, 2017
me writing at 3am: holy shit….. this is so good when did i become this talented
me reading what i wrote the next day: he roled he's eye
‘ (@sapphicgrI) August 11, 2017
I have several questions. pic.twitter.com/ikqFh8dtaw
‘ #AltResistance (@centrismsucks) August 11, 2017
A Face/Off reboot where Chris Pine, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, and Chris Hemsworth all switch faces and no one notices the difference
‘ REW (@therealeatwood) August 10, 2017
Freaking out. My doctor said if we don ‘t try to conceive in the next year, we'll have almost no chance at birthing the next Woody Allen muse
‘ Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) August 10, 2017
In honor of the 38th anniversary of a mysterious interstellar signal, Nat Faxon, Sarah Burns and Brett Gelman reveal other transmissions they’ve received from deep space. Watch full episodes of @midnight now: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T