By: Joel Burns
Ode To Kathy Bates
My darling Kathy, my shining star.
I ‘ve watched in awe on screens, near and far.
You nabbed the Oscar in Ninety-one,
Long before Adam Sandler played your son.
A career unmatched, with style to boot.
An angel on earth in a pantsuit
In Fried Green Tomatoes, you stole my heart
Wrapped nude in cellophane – a work of art!
You looked at your vagina with a hand mirror
Taught us all menopause is nothing to fear.
That gorgeous red perm, still such a serve.
I ‘m afraid at this point, I sound a bit like a perv.
To that, dear Kathy, I ‘ve just one thing to say:
Never fear, by now it ‘s clear, I ‘m incredibly gay.
In About Schmidt, you bared your breasts
Floating in a hot tub, a supple feast of flesh.
In Titanic, you stunned as the unsinkable Molly Brown.
With hats like that, no iceberg could take you down.
And now you ‘ve cut your hair so short, gone completely grey.
Traded pantsuits for kaftans, what more can I say?
My stunning Kathy, I think of you night and day.
But it ‘s not weird at all, remember: I ‘m gay.
Creator, Writer & Actor: Joel Burns
Producer & Director: Tamara Yajia
Editor: Paul Smith