Author: Melinda Taub

I’m Ben Affleck. I banned all mention of my slave-owning ancestor from Henry Louis Gates’ ‘Finding Your Roots.’ But look, it’s my mom.

Facebook now allows users to choose a legacy contact: Someone to take care of your account in the event of your death. Mark Ruffalo, I ‘ve chosen you.

Facebook now allows users to choose a legacy contact: Someone to take care of your account in the event of your death. Mark Ruffalo, I ‘ve chosen you.

Never allow the suspect (you) to tamper with the potential crime scene (also you). Only allow your belly to be touched by men and Republicans. The easiest way to accomplish this is to build an iron cage that ends just above your belly. Give the key to your priest. Don ‘t have a priest? Wow, you ‘re dying to go to jail, aren ‘t you, Abortia?

Never allow the suspect (you) to tamper with the potential crime scene (also you). Only allow your belly to be touched by men and Republicans. The easiest way to accomplish this is to build an iron cage that ends just above your belly. Give the key to your priest. Don ‘t have a priest? Wow, you ‘re dying to go to jail, aren ‘t you, Abortia?

Disney announced this week that they will produce a live action adaptation of animated classic Winnie-The-Pooh. Who should play the classic cuddly bear Pooh? Here are some up-and-coming bear stars who could nail it.

What if a football player gets traded, but he has a dog? Some dogs don’t like to fly on planes. Football trades should not be allowed.

Dear Iran, I am just a private citizen, but if you don’t keep ‘The X-Files’ on Netflix I will order the Air Force to strafe Tehran.