Joe Six Pack and Other Ordinary Addicts Weigh in on the Election

Johnny Kegger: “Palin’s got a rockin’ body bra. I’d tap her like an old Quarter Barrel of Beast! High five baby!”

Tracy Boxed Wine: “I’ll tell you who I’d never vote for, and that’s my fucking boyfriend Jerry ‘ Ex-boyfriend. I still can’t get used to saying that! Where are my fucking shoes!?”

Edward Fortyhands: “I’ll vote for anyone who will take my dick out of my pants so I can piss with dignity.”

Mary TwoDrinksatDinner: “I think Obama is kinda foxy. I mean it! Those ears! And that BUTT! I’m sorry! I’m so bad!

Patty Prozac: “My kitty looks like Joe Biden, so I’m voting for him!”

Dick WhiskeyOnTheRocks: “What’d you say about me? Did you say something about me? I’ll punch you in the face you motherfucker. I’m the FUCKING MAN!”

Lenny CokeNose: “THERE’S A VOTE? WHO’S VOTING!? VOTING ON WHAT? I’VE GOT AN IDEA FOR A VOTE! LET’S HOLD A VOTE RIGHT NOW!”

Barbara Bodyshot: “I’m voting for Palin because it’s about time we have a respectable woman in a position of power ‘ HEY! NO MOTERBOATING!”

Marty Moonshine: “At nighttime I talk to my cricket friends.”

Bobby Bong Rip: “I feel like we need to change the big picture in order to affect the little one, ya know? It’s like who are these politicians and how do they get into such positions of power? I should be in charge, or my bro Jared. Jared’s got a lot of great ideas man, He was talking yesterday about having a neighborhood car, that anyone could use. But how do you get anyone to really make that happen? How do you grab the nation by the shoulders and shake it man. Wake it up! Let’s talk about corruption, let’s share our ideas! Let’s talk about the media and how it distracts us ‘ Awww shit! My fucking Sim got hit by a bus!”

Joe Six Pack: “I wish people would stop asking me about this. I’m not voting, I work a double on Tuesdays.”