9 Things Christine O’Donnell Is Not

Christine O’Donnell’s new commercial kicks off with her informing us that she’s “not a witch.” A likely story, O’Donnell. She then goes on to say, “I’m you.” Incorrect again. If Christine O’Donnell actually was us, she’d be the following things (she’s not):

1. A Rational Human Being

2. A Chronic Masturbator

3. A Non-Witch

4. A Person Who Doesn’t Live in Fear that the Chinese will Take Over our Government

5. A Person Who Evolved From Primates

6. A Fan of Friends (O’Donnell called the show a “disservice to society”)

7. Someone Who Just Knows of God, but Doesn’t Know Him Personally

8. Someone Who Knows Homosexuality is not an “Identity Disorder”

And most importantly ‘

9. You