Every month, we at Funny or Die pay for a huge number of channels on cable TV. We decided that we might as well get our money ‘s worth out of them, by asking two goofballs to watch every single one of them for ten hours without any breaks.
Funny Or Die challenged comedians, friends, and TV maniacs Wes Schlagenhauf and Parker Seaman to sit in a room and watch every channel we get on our TV. Seems pretty easy, right? It isn ‘t, because the majority of these channels are terrible such as The Old Stinky Hamper Network and The Spit Network (probably). Also they abandoned their mothers to be here. Here are the rules:
The All Channels Challenge shall last 10 hours.
Every channel must be watched for 5 minutes.
No channel can be skipped.
No breaks for any reason whatsoever.
You can go to the bathroom though.
As these dudes go HAM watching TV, we ‘ll keep you all updated right here with their thoughts and also their vital signs because this challenge very well could kill them. Cheah!!! Updates to come!!!
11:59 AM – This is about to go down.
12:07 PM – CH. 1 – WINS: Throw Out Your Makeup!
The speakers and blasting, the snacks are flowing, and we are now watching TV. The guys are learning to throw out their makeup. This is a lesson we should all learn and we learned it right here using the power of TV. Imagining everything we will learn over the next 10 hours lifts me and inspires me.
Wes and Parker just called a 1-800 number for a seminar that taught you how to make a million by flipping houses. The person who answered the phone had not even taken the seminar. Doesn ‘t inspire a lot of confidence. Armando Montelongo just lost a potential customer and could definitely stand to strengthen his brand.
1:19 PM – CH. 7 – ABC – Bulls game and a visit from a friend
Wes and Parker had an awesome time watching the Bulls game until a naked dude came by looking for his wallet. Just goes to show that anything can happen when you ‘re watching TV. The man used a camera to cover his privates.
These guys are watching a low budget cooking show which is pretty boring. But things got interesting when a man named Coach Todd from FOD ‘s Data Department came in and told them they might not be able to go to the bathroom for ten hours.
2:00 PM – CH. 28 – KVMD – Aging Backwards with Miranda Esmonde-White and chicken
The guys are getting a bit fatigued and the tension in the room is palpable. But we got them some chicken to make everyone feel more comfortable and more at home. A whole bucket, along with gravy, potatoes, and mac ‘n ‘ cheese. These are the foods of Mother ‘s Day.
2:15 PM – CH. 34 KMEX – Spanish language smoothie commercial and we won ‘t let them pee
Remember, these guys agreed to watch TV for ten hours straight. We did not tell them they could leave to go to the bathroom. I don ‘t think we should be made to feel bad for refusing to let them leave the room to go to the bathroom.
Been stuck in this room for 3 hours and they won’t let me pee. @funnyordie why are you doing this to me?
Armando has proven himself yet again as the king of TV. He is shutting it down. He staked out all the best channels and got right in the middle of them. Once again, though, the people he hires at his call centers are lagging!! Not. Doing. Great. The guys called them again looking for real estate advice and were jerked around and didn ‘t get anything useful at all. Armando: Next time your number comes up, don ‘t expect a call from Wes and Parker.
3:08 PM – CH. 70 QVCHD – Fashion and nice food
The guys are learning about fashion by watching QVC HD. While they ‘re doing it, we ordered nice food for everyone in the crew and shitty fast food for the guys. We ‘ve pretty much decided to wear them down because it ‘s even funnier to watch them watch bad TV when they ‘re kinda pissed off. They are not liking the QVC stuff.
3:26 PM – CH. 73 – EVINE – Invicta Celebration Featuring Once Onlys
‘You know what honey, go ahead to the park without me. I actually have to stay home and buy a watch off of TV.”
‘ Parker Seaman
This channel has the distinct honor of having the longest and hardest to understand title there is. I feel like it ‘s in another language but I can tell it isn ‘t. Maybe it was translated badly. Also, it ‘s crazy how many of these channels are for people who inexplicably shop through their TV.
Donald Trump is suing Univision after the Spanish-language TV network dropped its coverage of Miss USA and Miss Universe after Trump’s insanely offensive comments about Mexican immigrants being rapists.